Peril in the Night

The sun glowed from behind the treetops a bright red-orange reminding us that it would soon be night. The disappointment of the Three Sister Springs had tired me immensely so we decided to visit “The Best Fudge Shop Ever” the following day.

We headed back to our tent sight to get ready for the night. After our dinner of turkey burgers and more Doritos Nacho Cheese Chips, we thought it would be great fun to start a fire (in the fire pit of course) and make s’mores. We put our pre-bought log in the pit with a heavy stack of kindling. Seeing as we are novices at camping, my dad thought it wise to equip us with a blow torch to start a fire.

Hmmmm good idea?

I think not.

Even though we had fun laughing maniacally while torching the giant log, it was rather in vain. Not only could we not start the fire with our flame thrower, uh I mean blow torch, we also used most of the propane … on our first night. Finally, we got a meager fire going. But in comparison to the surrounding campers, it was rather pathetic. I felt rather bad for us because making fires is sort of like comparing penis sizes, you want yours to be the biggest and the hottest. And as I had previously said, ours was really small. I felt like Bill Clinton. I needed reassurance in my camping prowess.

Utterly defeated, we climbed in our tent for the night. The rocks, holding our tent down, protruded into the tent making sleep uncomfortable to say the least. Finally sleep grabbed a hold of me and I was out like a light.

“drip,” “drip,” “pour” “CRASH!”

Oh goody, a hurricane, I thought. I felt the bottom of our tent. It was covered in water.

“CRASH”

Yay! More thunder and lightening. I suddenly remembered that I was deathly afraid of storms and there were no walls to protect me from this giant one. All the protection we had was a thin piece of leaky plastic. In fact, we were sitting in a puddle of water … which conducts electricity. And we were humans, which also conduct electricity --- we were practically goading the lightning to strike us. “Hey, you, lightening, over here! The big, pathetic, wet college students – you can’t get us! Na na na na na!”

“I think we should sleep in our car” I yelled to Ben over the loud rain.

“You think?” Ben asked sarcastically.

“Let me call my dad” I said

After a conversation of “it’s three in the morning you’d better be dead” from my dad, we decided to head for the car. And that is where we slept for the remainder of the night.

Even thought this was truly a night of peril, I learned something very valuable. I could totally live in my car. I always thought people who lived in their cars to be a little ‘unusual’ but seriously, it’s not that bad. You just recline your seat all the way back, put your feet on the dash and instant bed. Now that I think about it, it is a very cost efficient way to live – I think I might try that this summer, with the windows rolled down of course.

Three Sister Springs

Wow this is taking a lot longer than to write out than I thought.

Anyway, the Three Sister Springs is a magical place that cures every disease! Some examples of this mystic power are …




I was so excited to cure my 'mucus colitis' I could hardly wait to taste these cool refreshing springs.



Don’t they look inviting. “BUT WAIT!” what does that sign say in the left hand corner????



What a rip off. From this day forth, I shall never fall for some touristy crap again. So we ditched the Three Sister’s and traveled on to our next stop – the famous “Best Fudge Shop Ever” in the middle of down town Hot Springs. Boy, I can’t wait to taste the delicious fudge from the BEST FUDGE SHOP EVER!!!!!!!

Afternoon of Day One

Chuck stopped typing and looked us squarely in the eye “Well you are in sort of a bind eh?”

“You’re a smart Mr. Woodchuck” I thought to myself.

“I’m thinking that it was our error, so we will set you up with another tent site no extra charge” Chuck beamed at us benevolently.

“GREAT!” we both exclaimed.

So our trip came into full fruition when we were assigned tent-site T2.

We came upon our impressive site and surveyed the surrounding area. It was beautiful. We were right on the water and the pine trees sheltered us from most of the glaring sun and whipping wind. We set up our tent with little hassle.
You see, being the responsible people we are, we had been ‘practicing’ how to set up the tent before we even left Texas, so we were almost pros. I say almost because of one little problem. Our tent site was gravel and our tent pegs did not want to go into the hard and unforgiving ground. So we did the only thing our smart brains could think of. We weighed the tent down with large rocks. I rather liked the look. Our tent was the most unique on the strip. I felt just like a celebrity with people stopping by our tent to point and take pictures. I just waved sweetly and practiced my poses. My best: the pouty lip pose.
Once our tent was set up, Ben decided we were hungry. I, being the wonderful cook that I am, slaved away creating a masterpiece of sandwiches and Doritos nacho cheese chips. When we were finished, we went to do a little sight seeing. Right around the corner there was a tourist trap; I mean ‘attraction’ called “Three Sister Springs” a supposed cure-all for every ailment. Why a drink from these springs will cure my Mad Cow disease for sure! (Of course I don’t know for sure if I have Mad Cow disease seeing as it can live in your brain for 20 years before surfacing) All I can say is this attraction taught me what the word “charlatan” means. But that lesson is for the next addition of “Spring Break 2007”

Day One ... Triumph and defeat

Ben and I felt the exhilaration of hitting the glorious open road. It filled us with such joy that I could hardly control my foot from becoming entirely lead. You see, my family was getting farther and farther behind me. This, in itself, was a day of celebration! Ben and I were jamming to the tunes of Ralph Stanley, Jack Jonson and Michael Jackson (before he was creepy). What could be better. After several hours of driving, we arrived at beautiful Lake Ouachita State Park. The tall pine trees towered over us and the lake twinkled in merriment beckoning us to jump in. But first we had to check in at the visitor's center and get our tags for the campsite.

"Hi, we would like to check in, it's under Ben Warriner" Ben nodded towards the park ranger.

'Chuck' The ranger's name tag gleamed. I immediately thought of the Mr. Woodchuck ranger puppet from the TV show Full House and giggled a little.

"Ok, let me check our computers and see what we got for ya" The Chuck said politely.

"hmmmm" he scratched his chin in puzzlement "We don't have you in here" He looked up at us accusingly, "are you sure you made a reservation?"

"Yes," Ben exclaimed. "The lady I talked to said we were booked for this weekend."

"Well let me check again" The Chuck typed furiously at the keyboard while I tried to rhyme 'how many letters can a wood chuck type if a wood chuck could type letters...no it doesn't work. Ben then looked uneasily at me and I grabbed his hand in nervousness. It was like waiting for the announcement of the Grammy awards.

Oh and also, I had driven 5 hours to get here and there was NO way I was going to turn around.

"Ben Warriner, here you are" He said.

I smiled in relief. He called Ben's name. We had won!

"You are booked for June 15th. He raised his eyebrows towards us.

"WHAT" Ben and I both yelled in horror. It was not June 15th. It was not even May or April 15th. It was MARCH 15th - I started to hyperventilate.

What will become of us? Will we have to turn around and go back from whence we came? Or will we tell the park ranger that he better find us a place to stay or we will have to bunk with him tonight .... you'll find out in the next installment of "Spring break 07"

Ralph Stanley is like an orgasm for my ears …

Don’t ask me why I have gotten on a bluegrass music binge. Perhaps it is because we are traveling to Arkansas and bluegrass just gets me in the Arkansas mood. Mr. Stanley’s music can best described as the dueling banjos in the movie Deliverance ... plus singing. This music brings me back to the simple things of life, like nature, family, and overalls. I really, really REALLY want some overalls. Now I know what you are thinking … “fat people don’t wear overalls.” How wrong you are. Haven’t you ever seen these super fat guys that wear the white cut off Tee-shirts and the giant overalls – that could be me!

Arkansas or bust!

We are going to have a roarin good time!

Do you know how I know that? It's because even if we don't make it and break down on the side of the road with only a giant muddy ditch to comfort us, we are so over prepared that if we DO break down - we can just vacation on the side of that road. We have enough food for a month, clothes for about the same and even if there is no lake on or near the side of this road - we can blow up our inflatable floaty things and use then as beds, or use them to slide down the ditch or we could even create a make shift bounce house out of them if we get out the duct tape. Whatever happens - we will have fun. And I'm thinking we are going to do the make shift bounce house if we make it or not, that just sounds really fun.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it

You know under normal circumstances one may wonder why anyone would willingly go to Arkansas. I happen to think however that it is a good thing!

Especially when you know no matter what you will enjoy yourself.

=B=