Saturday, December 31, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
To be or not to be? That is (possibly) the question
Have you ever wondered if artists are born artists - is it some predestined slot for only the select few? Or is it for those who just happen to be at the right place at the right time? I don't know. It seems like perhaps great art is only created through idleness - once great idleness is achieved, then great art can take place. For me - this is not so - it might be because I have no tendencies for any artistic abilities - but also because whenever I am idle - nothing comes to me - it is usually in the middle of the night that the "itch" strikes. If not listened to then no sleep - if listened to - no sleep. I don't know. I had all day yesterday to be creative - and all day today - why, then, must I start my endeavors at 1 in the morning to last until 5 or 6? - just in time to go to work???? This I do not know. The only thing I do know is that I am very - very tired.
Yawn -
productivity is a bitch
Yawn -
productivity is a bitch
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
My First Post Here
Hi, everybody!!
Hi Dr. Nick.
J/K...
Anyway, expect me to occasional post some B.S.
=B=
(This Post Has Been Edited For Stupidity)
Hi Dr. Nick.
J/K...
Anyway, expect me to occasional post some B.S.
=B=
(This Post Has Been Edited For Stupidity)
The Many Adventures of Chelsea and Meg
Chapter 4
As they entered the octagonal room they noticed that something was different. The floor had changed from black and white checkered tile, to pink fuzzy carpet.
“Yuck!” Chelsea said disgusted.
“I know what you mean.” came a small voice from the floor.
Chelsea and Meg looked down and to their surprise, they saw a very small and very fuzzy pink mouse.
“Who are you?” they asked.
“Why I’m a floor mouse, of course”
“A floor mouse?” Chelsea asked. “I’ve only heard of a door mouse, never a floor mouse.”
“Yes well, interestingly enough, things do exist that you have never heard about.” Said the mouse in a nasty tone.
“My you are grumpy,” Chelsea noted
“You would be grumpy to, if your skin changed with the f***ing floor.”
“whoa, watch the language buddy.” Chelsea cautioned.
“It is good camouflage.” Meg observed
The floor mouse looked at them in distain.
“Why are you here?” the mouse asked, ”are you girls here to visit King Jeremy.”
“ummm you could say that” Chelsea said
“Never!” Meg shouted “We are here to....” she stopped her sentence short because Chelsea poked her in the ribs. There was something about this mouse that Chelsea just didn’t trust. His beady eyes perhaps.
“Well, visiting Jeremy makes sense, he has girls over all the time.” said the mouse.
The mouse knew this was a lie, but why tell
these girls, they looked so dumb and stupid and ... tasty. Mmmmm he hadn’t had a human to eat in about 3 months. Jeremy only fed him when he was extraordinarily mad at someone.
What? surprised? well, you shouldn’t be, everyone knows that floor mice eat humans.
“I know where you can find Jeremy.“ announced the mouse.”
“Where?” Meg asked.
“Right through that door over there.” said the mouse pointing towards a door.
This door was a great, old, wooden door, with a picture of two people, a man and a woman, both of whom were on plates of lettuce.
“um, I don’t think we should go in that door.” said Meg
“I agree,” Chelsea said.
Now, you may wonder why the door had a picture of what was going to happen inside that room. Eating people is something thought to be secretive. Well, as Chelsea has mentioned before, Jeremy was as dumb as an ox. and I am now tending to agree with her.
“Oh,” said the mouse coyly, “that is just a picture of Jeremy's parents on their trip to Bermuda.” “everyone knows the grass is super green in Bermuda ... yeah ... green and lush and tasty.” The mouse drooled onto the pink carpet.
Chelsea was not to be fooled. For she was the Rhoda. She spotted a vase that looked just about the right size for a carnivorous mouse. Before the mouse knew what was happening, Chelsea had plopped the vase over the mouse and put three heavy books on top of it. Three Blind Mice and Other Rhymes, Mice and Men and Floor mouse care for dummies.
“That should do it,” she said noting the irony.
“Now which door?” asked Meg
“Let’s try this one.” Chelsea replied.
The door Chelsea wanted to try was a big Iron door with hundreds of tiny eyeballs glaring at them.
“Why?” gulped Meg
“Because, It looks cool.” Chelsea replied.
This was obviously enough reason for Chelsea's mind- and well we all know that she is the only one that matters in this story.
Unfortunately, Meg and Chelsea’s idea of cool was very different. Meg absolutely did not want to enter that fiendish looking door.
“Come on,” Chelsea encouraged “It can‘t be that bad.”
Chelsea grabbed Meg by the wrist and pushed open the heavy Iron door. Making sure of course, to wink at the vast array of eyeballs as they entered. The eyeballs looked surprised, as they had never had anyone wink at them before, and happily let Chelsi and Meg pass.
As they entered the octagonal room they noticed that something was different. The floor had changed from black and white checkered tile, to pink fuzzy carpet.
“Yuck!” Chelsea said disgusted.
“I know what you mean.” came a small voice from the floor.
Chelsea and Meg looked down and to their surprise, they saw a very small and very fuzzy pink mouse.
“Who are you?” they asked.
“Why I’m a floor mouse, of course”
“A floor mouse?” Chelsea asked. “I’ve only heard of a door mouse, never a floor mouse.”
“Yes well, interestingly enough, things do exist that you have never heard about.” Said the mouse in a nasty tone.
“My you are grumpy,” Chelsea noted
“You would be grumpy to, if your skin changed with the f***ing floor.”
“whoa, watch the language buddy.” Chelsea cautioned.
“It is good camouflage.” Meg observed
The floor mouse looked at them in distain.
“Why are you here?” the mouse asked, ”are you girls here to visit King Jeremy.”
“ummm you could say that” Chelsea said
“Never!” Meg shouted “We are here to....” she stopped her sentence short because Chelsea poked her in the ribs. There was something about this mouse that Chelsea just didn’t trust. His beady eyes perhaps.
“Well, visiting Jeremy makes sense, he has girls over all the time.” said the mouse.
The mouse knew this was a lie, but why tell
these girls, they looked so dumb and stupid and ... tasty. Mmmmm he hadn’t had a human to eat in about 3 months. Jeremy only fed him when he was extraordinarily mad at someone.
What? surprised? well, you shouldn’t be, everyone knows that floor mice eat humans.
“I know where you can find Jeremy.“ announced the mouse.”
“Where?” Meg asked.
“Right through that door over there.” said the mouse pointing towards a door.
This door was a great, old, wooden door, with a picture of two people, a man and a woman, both of whom were on plates of lettuce.
“um, I don’t think we should go in that door.” said Meg
“I agree,” Chelsea said.
Now, you may wonder why the door had a picture of what was going to happen inside that room. Eating people is something thought to be secretive. Well, as Chelsea has mentioned before, Jeremy was as dumb as an ox. and I am now tending to agree with her.
“Oh,” said the mouse coyly, “that is just a picture of Jeremy's parents on their trip to Bermuda.” “everyone knows the grass is super green in Bermuda ... yeah ... green and lush and tasty.” The mouse drooled onto the pink carpet.
Chelsea was not to be fooled. For she was the Rhoda. She spotted a vase that looked just about the right size for a carnivorous mouse. Before the mouse knew what was happening, Chelsea had plopped the vase over the mouse and put three heavy books on top of it. Three Blind Mice and Other Rhymes, Mice and Men and Floor mouse care for dummies.
“That should do it,” she said noting the irony.
“Now which door?” asked Meg
“Let’s try this one.” Chelsea replied.
The door Chelsea wanted to try was a big Iron door with hundreds of tiny eyeballs glaring at them.
“Why?” gulped Meg
“Because, It looks cool.” Chelsea replied.
This was obviously enough reason for Chelsea's mind- and well we all know that she is the only one that matters in this story.
Unfortunately, Meg and Chelsea’s idea of cool was very different. Meg absolutely did not want to enter that fiendish looking door.
“Come on,” Chelsea encouraged “It can‘t be that bad.”
Chelsea grabbed Meg by the wrist and pushed open the heavy Iron door. Making sure of course, to wink at the vast array of eyeballs as they entered. The eyeballs looked surprised, as they had never had anyone wink at them before, and happily let Chelsi and Meg pass.
I've never laughed so hard or been so disturbed
What do you usually think when you hear someone say "bicycle seat?"
1. Riding
2. Fast
3. Wheels
Right?
NO
1. Grandfather
2. Nose
3. A saw for the family tree
Well, you see, my grandfather told me - on Christmas mind you that he used to sniff bicycle seats when he was younger - hmmmm interesting - very interesting - oh well just another entry on the "why I am so weird" list.
Grandfather - this is number 123 BTW
1. Riding
2. Fast
3. Wheels
Right?
NO
1. Grandfather
2. Nose
3. A saw for the family tree
Well, you see, my grandfather told me - on Christmas mind you that he used to sniff bicycle seats when he was younger - hmmmm interesting - very interesting - oh well just another entry on the "why I am so weird" list.
Grandfather - this is number 123 BTW
Sunday, December 25, 2005
The Many Adventures of Chelsea and Meg
Chap 3
Surprisingly, the door turned with ease. This is because a guy as ‘benevolent’ as Jeremy could not be bothered with such trivial things as locks.
“What did I tell you, dumb as an ox” Chelsea said.
Meg agreed “What kind of idiot doesn’t lock his doors, I mean how stupid is that.”
The girls laughed as they looked around the room. It was a beautiful room, with gold covering everything. The sunlight streamed through the windows making everything shine. The most interesting thing about this room was that it contained only one single item. A magnificent gold piano.
“Wow!” Chelsea exclaimed
She ran over to the piano and started playing. All of a sudden a man burst into the room and looked at Chelsea, then at Meg, then back at Chelsea.
After he regained his composure from seeing such beautiful women, he bowed graciously and said
“How do you do, My name is Michael Gibbs.” He was dressed in a suit which seemed to be made of pure gold. The glint of the material made one almost have to squint when looking at it. Perched high atop his head was a wig of white, combed to one side, which in those days was called the Brianito hair style. Only the most fashionable men wore this style of hair. It was rumored to make an impression with any lady.
Michael eyed Chelsea, who was still sitting at the piano. He put his nose in the air and sniffed once or twice to signify an air of authority.
“Hmmmm,” he contemplated, stroking his chin.
He walked toward the piano and sat down next to Chelsea, almost pushing her off the bench. With this gesture, he began to rattle off a tune. His fingers flew so fast across the keys you could hardly see them. He stopped and raised his eyebrows (Both, thank goodness) challengingly to Chelsea.
“Nice song,” Chelsea commented off-handedly
Michael snorted at the word nice, when obviously she should have said magnificent, or extraordinary.
“Can you play?” he asked haughtily
“Yes” Chelsea answered, sniffing with the same air of authority. She took a deep breath and played a sad melody. she played this melancholy tune with such feeling she was sure she saw a tear in Michaels eye. When She stopped playing, the tear vanished. Mike cleared his throat and looked angry. He scooted farther over on the bench causing Chelsea to fall off. Then he started to play again. Chelsea, not to be out done, jumped up and got back on the bench, causing Michael to fall off. Michael got up and tried to push her off the bench but she was ready this time. She had hold of the piano with both of her hands. All this time Meg was observing this comical sight. Suddenly they both fell at the same time. Both stunned, they tried to shake off the dizziness that came with the hard fall. Then like magic, beautiful music started playing. the kind you hear when two people have just realized they are in love. Meg looked disgusted when little hearts started swirling around both Chelsi and Michael’s head.
“I’m disgusted” Meg interjected.
Chelsea and Michael paid no attention. they were too busy making out.
“Jeeze” Meg said “get a room.”
This remark made Chelsea realize there was someone else in the room besides Michael and since she was not that kind of girl, she hurriedly composed herself. Michael gave Meg a look of distain and snorted again with an air of authority.
That is really annoying, thought Meg.
Then she proceeded to ask Michael if his adenoids were infected.
This remark produced a rather snide comment from Michael about how dimples were really deformities of the muscle.
“Come on Chelsea.” Meg demanded “We have got to find Jeremy!”
“Jeremy?” Michael questioned
“Yes, “ Answered Chelsea” We are trying to overthrow him so we won’t have to wash his knickers anymore.”
Meg shook her head in disgust at Chelsea saying ‘knickers’ She absolutely hated Chelsi’s attempt at international flavor. Truth be told, Chelsea detested being American. She had a fondness for anything from another country which led her to say all sorts of things, like ‘foyay’ and ‘knickers’.
“Well I can see why you don’t want to wash Jeremy’s underwear,” Michael said consolingly, “but if you don’t wash them who will?”
“He can do his own laundry” Meg shouted.
“Yeah! see how he likes it” Chelsea agreed.
Michael shook his head at these silly girls “How can he wash his own clothes when that is women's work?”
“What?” Chelsea gasped
“you’ve got to be kidding me” Meg muttered under her breath.
“You know, like girls can’t work on carriages because that’s men's work.” Michael said knowingly.
Chelsea was very disappointed about this attitude. It wasn’t that She didn’t think she should wash her own clothes and she didn’t actually want to work on a carriage, but telling her that washing was only women's work while carriage repair was only men’s work was the wrong thing to say. Poor Michael, he had no idea what was coming.
Chelsea looked at Michael and said “I think we need to talk.”
“oh?” Michael said curiously.
“I think I need some space.” Chelsea told him.
Michael gasped.
"It's just not the right time for me to be in a serious relationship."
"no!" Michael interjected with his eyes bulging.
“It’s not you, it’s me.” She continued
“Ok, it’s you ... but don’t take it too hard ... I just can’t date an egocentric chauvinist pig.” Chelsea patted Michael’s hand and smiled sweetly up at him.
Michael snorted with an air of authority.
“Oh, and you should get those adenoids looked at.” she advised.
With this comment, Michael dashed out of the room sobbing. He ran so fast that his Brianito wig fell off leaving his head as bald as a cucumber.
Chelsea and Meg looked at each other and burst into a fit of giggles. After their giggles subsided, they decided to go back to the octagonal room and try another door.
Surprisingly, the door turned with ease. This is because a guy as ‘benevolent’ as Jeremy could not be bothered with such trivial things as locks.
“What did I tell you, dumb as an ox” Chelsea said.
Meg agreed “What kind of idiot doesn’t lock his doors, I mean how stupid is that.”
The girls laughed as they looked around the room. It was a beautiful room, with gold covering everything. The sunlight streamed through the windows making everything shine. The most interesting thing about this room was that it contained only one single item. A magnificent gold piano.
“Wow!” Chelsea exclaimed
She ran over to the piano and started playing. All of a sudden a man burst into the room and looked at Chelsea, then at Meg, then back at Chelsea.
After he regained his composure from seeing such beautiful women, he bowed graciously and said
“How do you do, My name is Michael Gibbs.” He was dressed in a suit which seemed to be made of pure gold. The glint of the material made one almost have to squint when looking at it. Perched high atop his head was a wig of white, combed to one side, which in those days was called the Brianito hair style. Only the most fashionable men wore this style of hair. It was rumored to make an impression with any lady.
Michael eyed Chelsea, who was still sitting at the piano. He put his nose in the air and sniffed once or twice to signify an air of authority.
“Hmmmm,” he contemplated, stroking his chin.
He walked toward the piano and sat down next to Chelsea, almost pushing her off the bench. With this gesture, he began to rattle off a tune. His fingers flew so fast across the keys you could hardly see them. He stopped and raised his eyebrows (Both, thank goodness) challengingly to Chelsea.
“Nice song,” Chelsea commented off-handedly
Michael snorted at the word nice, when obviously she should have said magnificent, or extraordinary.
“Can you play?” he asked haughtily
“Yes” Chelsea answered, sniffing with the same air of authority. She took a deep breath and played a sad melody. she played this melancholy tune with such feeling she was sure she saw a tear in Michaels eye. When She stopped playing, the tear vanished. Mike cleared his throat and looked angry. He scooted farther over on the bench causing Chelsea to fall off. Then he started to play again. Chelsea, not to be out done, jumped up and got back on the bench, causing Michael to fall off. Michael got up and tried to push her off the bench but she was ready this time. She had hold of the piano with both of her hands. All this time Meg was observing this comical sight. Suddenly they both fell at the same time. Both stunned, they tried to shake off the dizziness that came with the hard fall. Then like magic, beautiful music started playing. the kind you hear when two people have just realized they are in love. Meg looked disgusted when little hearts started swirling around both Chelsi and Michael’s head.
“I’m disgusted” Meg interjected.
Chelsea and Michael paid no attention. they were too busy making out.
“Jeeze” Meg said “get a room.”
This remark made Chelsea realize there was someone else in the room besides Michael and since she was not that kind of girl, she hurriedly composed herself. Michael gave Meg a look of distain and snorted again with an air of authority.
That is really annoying, thought Meg.
Then she proceeded to ask Michael if his adenoids were infected.
This remark produced a rather snide comment from Michael about how dimples were really deformities of the muscle.
“Come on Chelsea.” Meg demanded “We have got to find Jeremy!”
“Jeremy?” Michael questioned
“Yes, “ Answered Chelsea” We are trying to overthrow him so we won’t have to wash his knickers anymore.”
Meg shook her head in disgust at Chelsea saying ‘knickers’ She absolutely hated Chelsi’s attempt at international flavor. Truth be told, Chelsea detested being American. She had a fondness for anything from another country which led her to say all sorts of things, like ‘foyay’ and ‘knickers’.
“Well I can see why you don’t want to wash Jeremy’s underwear,” Michael said consolingly, “but if you don’t wash them who will?”
“He can do his own laundry” Meg shouted.
“Yeah! see how he likes it” Chelsea agreed.
Michael shook his head at these silly girls “How can he wash his own clothes when that is women's work?”
“What?” Chelsea gasped
“you’ve got to be kidding me” Meg muttered under her breath.
“You know, like girls can’t work on carriages because that’s men's work.” Michael said knowingly.
Chelsea was very disappointed about this attitude. It wasn’t that She didn’t think she should wash her own clothes and she didn’t actually want to work on a carriage, but telling her that washing was only women's work while carriage repair was only men’s work was the wrong thing to say. Poor Michael, he had no idea what was coming.
Chelsea looked at Michael and said “I think we need to talk.”
“oh?” Michael said curiously.
“I think I need some space.” Chelsea told him.
Michael gasped.
"It's just not the right time for me to be in a serious relationship."
"no!" Michael interjected with his eyes bulging.
“It’s not you, it’s me.” She continued
“Ok, it’s you ... but don’t take it too hard ... I just can’t date an egocentric chauvinist pig.” Chelsea patted Michael’s hand and smiled sweetly up at him.
Michael snorted with an air of authority.
“Oh, and you should get those adenoids looked at.” she advised.
With this comment, Michael dashed out of the room sobbing. He ran so fast that his Brianito wig fell off leaving his head as bald as a cucumber.
Chelsea and Meg looked at each other and burst into a fit of giggles. After their giggles subsided, they decided to go back to the octagonal room and try another door.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Acrostic Poem
Or at least an attempt --- haha
Perhaps the love is overlooked by her
Excessive, she says, but she knows not.
Dare she to mock? Ha! I do not concur
Amidst this ridicule of rules that she forgot
Never had I thought to love one so injudicious
Then again, I blush, when my dearest shouts "fastidious!"
Perhaps the love is overlooked by her
Excessive, she says, but she knows not.
Dare she to mock? Ha! I do not concur
Amidst this ridicule of rules that she forgot
Never had I thought to love one so injudicious
Then again, I blush, when my dearest shouts "fastidious!"
Me and My Fraggles
I love the Fraggles -
What fraggle am I/are you -??? Well here you go
Pinky -
Warbenekar -
Elizabeth -
"That Girl" -
Ruscal -
Doc is a human scientist that lives in the only connection the fraggles have to outerspace. Gobo has to go into Doc's workshop to getUncle Matt's Postcards. Doc is always trying weird new inventions that would make both him and sprocket, his dog, rich. --- It was either this or the "All knowing trash heap." lol
Find out if I was right ---http://selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=fraggle
Although there is no Doc on that one
The Many Adventures of Chelsea and Meg
Chap 2
The girls entered a octagonal room with 32 doors, which Meg presumed to be a foyer. The floor was made of a black and white checkered tile. The ceiling soared three stories high which gave a sense of grandeur to the room. Many works of art hung along the walls, mostly of half naked women -and fish. Bedsides the tacky art, the foyer was really a pleasant area.
“Wow! What a lovely foyer” Meg exclaimed.
Chelsea laughed at Meg’s pronunciation. “You pronounce it Foyay ... it’s French ... hello!”
Meg looked defiant. “If I want to call it a foyer I guess I can call it that!”
“well, sure you can,” Chelsea replied, “but you will be wrong.” Chelsea smirked at Meg with pleasure, for everyone knew Chelsea was the Rhoda.
“Tomato Tomahto,” Meg said “If I think that...”
“It’s actually tomato” Chelsea interrupted
Meg looked at Chelsea exasperatingly “Shut up” she said with a glare.
“I’m sorry- did you just tell me to shut up?” Chelsea looked at Meg in surprise.
“Yes and take my advice please.”
Now, Meg knew that Chelsea never let anyone tell her to shut up unless they were joking. This was Chelsea’s pet peeve. She thought it was rude and just plain annoying. Besides, it was a very hard thing for Chelsea to do. Chelsea glared at Meg and told her exactly what she thought of her. Their dialogue has been omitted as it is not suitable for children, or adults, or animals.
After about an hour of fighting, Chelsea and Meg hugged tearfully and promised never to have another argument again. Once their tears were dry Meg asked “I wonder which one of these doors lead to our malevolent ruler Jeremy.”
“I don’t know, I guess we will have to try them all.” Chelsea replied.
Chelsea and Meg started for the first door. Before they reached it, a terrible sound came from out of nowhere.
“What’s that?” Meg asked
The sound that reached Meg and Chelsea’s ears, was a plopping, bubbling and gurgling, sound, that you might hear if you were making your way across a steamy swamp filled with mud.
“I think it’s the plot thickening” Chelsea answered.
“ohhh I don’t like the sound of that.” Meg glanced around nervously.
“Come on” Chelsea said “We have to find Jeremy.” Chelsea put her hand on the cold brass doorknob and turned.
The girls entered a octagonal room with 32 doors, which Meg presumed to be a foyer. The floor was made of a black and white checkered tile. The ceiling soared three stories high which gave a sense of grandeur to the room. Many works of art hung along the walls, mostly of half naked women -and fish. Bedsides the tacky art, the foyer was really a pleasant area.
“Wow! What a lovely foyer” Meg exclaimed.
Chelsea laughed at Meg’s pronunciation. “You pronounce it Foyay ... it’s French ... hello!”
Meg looked defiant. “If I want to call it a foyer I guess I can call it that!”
“well, sure you can,” Chelsea replied, “but you will be wrong.” Chelsea smirked at Meg with pleasure, for everyone knew Chelsea was the Rhoda.
“Tomato Tomahto,” Meg said “If I think that...”
“It’s actually tomato” Chelsea interrupted
Meg looked at Chelsea exasperatingly “Shut up” she said with a glare.
“I’m sorry- did you just tell me to shut up?” Chelsea looked at Meg in surprise.
“Yes and take my advice please.”
Now, Meg knew that Chelsea never let anyone tell her to shut up unless they were joking. This was Chelsea’s pet peeve. She thought it was rude and just plain annoying. Besides, it was a very hard thing for Chelsea to do. Chelsea glared at Meg and told her exactly what she thought of her. Their dialogue has been omitted as it is not suitable for children, or adults, or animals.
After about an hour of fighting, Chelsea and Meg hugged tearfully and promised never to have another argument again. Once their tears were dry Meg asked “I wonder which one of these doors lead to our malevolent ruler Jeremy.”
“I don’t know, I guess we will have to try them all.” Chelsea replied.
Chelsea and Meg started for the first door. Before they reached it, a terrible sound came from out of nowhere.
“What’s that?” Meg asked
The sound that reached Meg and Chelsea’s ears, was a plopping, bubbling and gurgling, sound, that you might hear if you were making your way across a steamy swamp filled with mud.
“I think it’s the plot thickening” Chelsea answered.
“ohhh I don’t like the sound of that.” Meg glanced around nervously.
“Come on” Chelsea said “We have to find Jeremy.” Chelsea put her hand on the cold brass doorknob and turned.
Friday, December 23, 2005
The Many Adventures of Chelsea and Meg
Very Very old --- must update sometime
This is a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
(I have to say that... you know who you are.)
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, there lived a sinister and evil king named Jeremy. He ruled his kingdom with a sexist hand, commanding all women to wait on him. Two of his maids (both quite pretty I should mention) were named Chelsea and Meg. These fair maidens were not like any other in the land. Both were very smart, witty, charming and not at all blonde. The girls had only one flaw, and that was their humbleness. You see, Meg was so humble that she would never remark to anyone about her glorious dimple, which showed up, when she smiled. Her companion, Chelsea was so modest that she never talked to anyone about her superior musical abilities. Even with their extremely modest nature, they still felt that Jeremy’s abhorrent commands where beneath them. If they weren’t subjected to such hard labor, then Meg could be out flashing her dimple to all the eligible bachelors and Chelsea could be performing her many musical talents ... although she still hadn’t figured out a way to play the piano while lying on top of it.
One day, while washing Jeremy’s ... unmentionables, Chelsea suddenly had a brilliant idea. Getting a brilliant idea so excited her, that she threw Jeremy’s leopard thong into the air.
“I have an idea!”
“You’re going to tell me why we are doing this.” Meg groaned as she wrung out Jeremy’s dirty boxers, which, by the way, had little red hearts covering them.
“Let’s overthrow Jeremy and take over the kingdom”
“I don’t know,” Meg said, as she contemplated the thought.
“Oh come on!” Chelsea shouted. “He’s as dumb as an ox, how hard can it be?”
“Ok” Meg agreed.
So Meg and Chelsea marched forward to storm the castle- leaving the underwear behind.
When they came to the door of the mighty castle, a wizard dressed all in black greeted them.
“Greetings to the lesser sex.”
“You mean fairer sex” Chelsea replied
“Are you an elf?” asked Meg.
The wizard looked very put off by this remark, so Meg covered her blunder by asking a much more intelligent question.
“What’s your name?”
Quite pleased by her aptitude with verbosity and wit, she continued:
“I‘ve never met an elf before.”
“My name is Ryan Brown” he replied in a condescending tone.
“Well, move over” Chelsea demanded, “We are here to overthrow the kingdom.”
You might be surprised that Chelsea revealed her plan to the wizard, but Chelsea was never one for subtleties and besides, the elf ... I mean wizard ... didn’t look all that menacing. In fact, he would have looked rather friendly if it weren’t that his hair had the look of an 82 year-old woman. It was in a sort of quaff with curls at the end. This, to Chelsea, showed signs of pure evil. The wizard raised an eyebrow in surprise to Chelsea’s overtures of ousting the current leader. After about five seconds of raising his one eyebrow, he got tired and had to let it rest. Thank goodness for that, because Meg had never seen anyone raise only one eyebrow before and she was so mesmerized by it, that the wizard could have turned her into a frog before she would have noticed a thing.
“To enter these gates,” he declared waving a pointed finger knowingly; “you must answer my riddle”
Ryan proceeded to make swooping gestures with his hands trying to imitate the wizards that he had seen on TV. (Yes, they had TV. This is a Chelsea story, remember?)
“OK, “ he began, here is the riddle:”
“30 white horses upon a red hill, first they chomp, then they munch, then they stand still. What are they?”
Chelsea and Meg were very bewildered. Not only by the riddle, but also because Ryan, the wizard, had given them a tap on their heads with his wand for each syllable that he pronounced. If you have ever been hit on the head numerous times with a magic wand, then you know how bewildered it can make you feel.
“Hmmmm.” Chelsea and Meg said in unison.
Ryan Brown looked annoyed and shook his head at the stupidity of girls.
“Hmmmm.” they said again
The wizard threw his hands in the air and smiled an exaggerated toothy smile, hoping they would get the hint.
“Hmmmm.” the girls said still not getting the message
Chelsea and Meg decided to sit down and ponder.
“Hmmmm.”
Ryan Brown stamped his foot impatiently and started chomping his teeth together.
“Hmmmm.” The girls said, while secretly thinking that this particular wizard might have a mental deficiency.
Finally, Ryan Brown pointed to his pearly whites while mouthing the word “teeth” repeatedly.
“Oh! I get it!!!!!!” Chelsea jumped up. “It’s thirty white horses!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHH” Ryan yelled, “It’s teeth, Teeth, TEETH!”
“Oh,” Meg piped up; “I get it” She looked smugly at Chelsea, for everyone knew Meg was the Rhoda.
“Wait a minute,” Chelsea said, “The riddle says thirty white horses, therefore, it IS thirty white horses. Take some critical thinking punk, she thought.
Ryan shook his head in disgust, “It’s a metaphor” Take a lit class woman.
“No, No, No” Chelsea insisted, “you said 30 white horses...
“OK” Ryan shouted “you’ve past the riddle. Now just go - please.
With this statement he pulled a great wooden lever which opened the drawbridge.
“Alright!” Meg happily exclaimed.
Meg grabbed Chelsea by her arm and dragged her away, because she was still trying to argue with Ryan about the fact that the answer to the riddle was really thirty white horses.
Meg and Chelsea started to leave but not without noticing Ryan’s agitated state first.
“Why me?” he asked himself out loud. “I just wanted to be a knight”
Chelsea could have sworn she saw a tear trickle slowly down Ryan’s cheek. Ryan continued groaning to himself about the unfairness of life and stupidity of women. Although, stupid as women were, he thought, he still couldn’t manage to get a date. He had tried every spell in the book. “Vastly virile,” “heap of hunk” and “ a plentiful ...” well you get the idea. He even read the book “The Many Modes of Masculinity” written by the benevolent king, Jeremy Payne. How could chapters such as “the exciting world of the NRA” and “Muddin’ for dummies” lead Ryan to come up empty handed with the ladies? He shook his head in confusion.
“Say...” Chelsea began, interrupting Ryan’s muttering.
“Pity party, pity party,” Meg sang mockingly to Ryan. For everyone knows the best way to make someone feel better is to taunt them unmercifully. Chelsea hit Meg on the head to let her know teasing this poor elf wasn’t appropriate.
“The problem is,” Chelsea observed, “that you are listening to Jeremy and not being yourself.”
“Let’s call the whaaaambulance” Meg teased, pointing a finger.
Chelsea and Ryan looked at Meg reproachfully
“But Jeremy is our benevolent king, Ryan exclaimed, “the ruler of all, greatest of the great, brighter than the sun, more gorgeous than any supermodel, too sexy for his shirt ....” Ryan stopped suddenly as he noticed that Chelsea was making retching noises while sticking her finger down her throat.
“Let’s get da bwaybwey a bwottle.” Meg bellowed
“I’m telling you, you just have to be yourself, and then you’ll find a girl who likes you for who you are, not because of some stupid spell or ridiculous book. Imagine doing the plentiful spell, You know, that can go terribly wrong ...”
Chelsea stopped suddenly and looked at Ryan with a mocking smile as if to say ... did it?
Ryan raised an eyebrow in contempt, which in turn memorized Chelsea’s companion making it impossible for her to continue her taunts and jeers.
“Sorry,” Chelsea apologized quickly, for she was not the kind of girl that takes pleasure in others misfortune. Although she could not help giggling to herself at the thought of ... well you get the idea.
Ryan lowered his eyebrow but not without warning Meg that if she taunted him again he would make them answer another riddle. Seeing that no one wanted this, especially Ryan, Meg kept her mouth shut.
“Oh and one more thing,” Chelsea asserted, “change the hair puhleese, I know this killer stylist down in the village that can fix anyone's hair, even yours.” Chelsea handed Ryan a business card that read :
Philip Periwinkle
Scrumptiously Superb Stylist
For all your fashion needs
(817) 681-3745
Call me babe
Ryan took the card, but not without thanking Chelsea with a little one fingered gesture.
“Oh, you’ve got one of those as well” she noted “me too” she showed him both of hers with a smile and said “mine work better”
With those fond farewells Chelsi and Meg proceeded to enter the castle.
This is a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
(I have to say that... you know who you are.)
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, there lived a sinister and evil king named Jeremy. He ruled his kingdom with a sexist hand, commanding all women to wait on him. Two of his maids (both quite pretty I should mention) were named Chelsea and Meg. These fair maidens were not like any other in the land. Both were very smart, witty, charming and not at all blonde. The girls had only one flaw, and that was their humbleness. You see, Meg was so humble that she would never remark to anyone about her glorious dimple, which showed up, when she smiled. Her companion, Chelsea was so modest that she never talked to anyone about her superior musical abilities. Even with their extremely modest nature, they still felt that Jeremy’s abhorrent commands where beneath them. If they weren’t subjected to such hard labor, then Meg could be out flashing her dimple to all the eligible bachelors and Chelsea could be performing her many musical talents ... although she still hadn’t figured out a way to play the piano while lying on top of it.
One day, while washing Jeremy’s ... unmentionables, Chelsea suddenly had a brilliant idea. Getting a brilliant idea so excited her, that she threw Jeremy’s leopard thong into the air.
“I have an idea!”
“You’re going to tell me why we are doing this.” Meg groaned as she wrung out Jeremy’s dirty boxers, which, by the way, had little red hearts covering them.
“Let’s overthrow Jeremy and take over the kingdom”
“I don’t know,” Meg said, as she contemplated the thought.
“Oh come on!” Chelsea shouted. “He’s as dumb as an ox, how hard can it be?”
“Ok” Meg agreed.
So Meg and Chelsea marched forward to storm the castle- leaving the underwear behind.
When they came to the door of the mighty castle, a wizard dressed all in black greeted them.
“Greetings to the lesser sex.”
“You mean fairer sex” Chelsea replied
“Are you an elf?” asked Meg.
The wizard looked very put off by this remark, so Meg covered her blunder by asking a much more intelligent question.
“What’s your name?”
Quite pleased by her aptitude with verbosity and wit, she continued:
“I‘ve never met an elf before.”
“My name is Ryan Brown” he replied in a condescending tone.
“Well, move over” Chelsea demanded, “We are here to overthrow the kingdom.”
You might be surprised that Chelsea revealed her plan to the wizard, but Chelsea was never one for subtleties and besides, the elf ... I mean wizard ... didn’t look all that menacing. In fact, he would have looked rather friendly if it weren’t that his hair had the look of an 82 year-old woman. It was in a sort of quaff with curls at the end. This, to Chelsea, showed signs of pure evil. The wizard raised an eyebrow in surprise to Chelsea’s overtures of ousting the current leader. After about five seconds of raising his one eyebrow, he got tired and had to let it rest. Thank goodness for that, because Meg had never seen anyone raise only one eyebrow before and she was so mesmerized by it, that the wizard could have turned her into a frog before she would have noticed a thing.
“To enter these gates,” he declared waving a pointed finger knowingly; “you must answer my riddle”
Ryan proceeded to make swooping gestures with his hands trying to imitate the wizards that he had seen on TV. (Yes, they had TV. This is a Chelsea story, remember?)
“OK, “ he began, here is the riddle:”
“30 white horses upon a red hill, first they chomp, then they munch, then they stand still. What are they?”
Chelsea and Meg were very bewildered. Not only by the riddle, but also because Ryan, the wizard, had given them a tap on their heads with his wand for each syllable that he pronounced. If you have ever been hit on the head numerous times with a magic wand, then you know how bewildered it can make you feel.
“Hmmmm.” Chelsea and Meg said in unison.
Ryan Brown looked annoyed and shook his head at the stupidity of girls.
“Hmmmm.” they said again
The wizard threw his hands in the air and smiled an exaggerated toothy smile, hoping they would get the hint.
“Hmmmm.” the girls said still not getting the message
Chelsea and Meg decided to sit down and ponder.
“Hmmmm.”
Ryan Brown stamped his foot impatiently and started chomping his teeth together.
“Hmmmm.” The girls said, while secretly thinking that this particular wizard might have a mental deficiency.
Finally, Ryan Brown pointed to his pearly whites while mouthing the word “teeth” repeatedly.
“Oh! I get it!!!!!!” Chelsea jumped up. “It’s thirty white horses!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHH” Ryan yelled, “It’s teeth, Teeth, TEETH!”
“Oh,” Meg piped up; “I get it” She looked smugly at Chelsea, for everyone knew Meg was the Rhoda.
“Wait a minute,” Chelsea said, “The riddle says thirty white horses, therefore, it IS thirty white horses. Take some critical thinking punk, she thought.
Ryan shook his head in disgust, “It’s a metaphor” Take a lit class woman.
“No, No, No” Chelsea insisted, “you said 30 white horses...
“OK” Ryan shouted “you’ve past the riddle. Now just go - please.
With this statement he pulled a great wooden lever which opened the drawbridge.
“Alright!” Meg happily exclaimed.
Meg grabbed Chelsea by her arm and dragged her away, because she was still trying to argue with Ryan about the fact that the answer to the riddle was really thirty white horses.
Meg and Chelsea started to leave but not without noticing Ryan’s agitated state first.
“Why me?” he asked himself out loud. “I just wanted to be a knight”
Chelsea could have sworn she saw a tear trickle slowly down Ryan’s cheek. Ryan continued groaning to himself about the unfairness of life and stupidity of women. Although, stupid as women were, he thought, he still couldn’t manage to get a date. He had tried every spell in the book. “Vastly virile,” “heap of hunk” and “ a plentiful ...” well you get the idea. He even read the book “The Many Modes of Masculinity” written by the benevolent king, Jeremy Payne. How could chapters such as “the exciting world of the NRA” and “Muddin’ for dummies” lead Ryan to come up empty handed with the ladies? He shook his head in confusion.
“Say...” Chelsea began, interrupting Ryan’s muttering.
“Pity party, pity party,” Meg sang mockingly to Ryan. For everyone knows the best way to make someone feel better is to taunt them unmercifully. Chelsea hit Meg on the head to let her know teasing this poor elf wasn’t appropriate.
“The problem is,” Chelsea observed, “that you are listening to Jeremy and not being yourself.”
“Let’s call the whaaaambulance” Meg teased, pointing a finger.
Chelsea and Ryan looked at Meg reproachfully
“But Jeremy is our benevolent king, Ryan exclaimed, “the ruler of all, greatest of the great, brighter than the sun, more gorgeous than any supermodel, too sexy for his shirt ....” Ryan stopped suddenly as he noticed that Chelsea was making retching noises while sticking her finger down her throat.
“Let’s get da bwaybwey a bwottle.” Meg bellowed
“I’m telling you, you just have to be yourself, and then you’ll find a girl who likes you for who you are, not because of some stupid spell or ridiculous book. Imagine doing the plentiful spell, You know, that can go terribly wrong ...”
Chelsea stopped suddenly and looked at Ryan with a mocking smile as if to say ... did it?
Ryan raised an eyebrow in contempt, which in turn memorized Chelsea’s companion making it impossible for her to continue her taunts and jeers.
“Sorry,” Chelsea apologized quickly, for she was not the kind of girl that takes pleasure in others misfortune. Although she could not help giggling to herself at the thought of ... well you get the idea.
Ryan lowered his eyebrow but not without warning Meg that if she taunted him again he would make them answer another riddle. Seeing that no one wanted this, especially Ryan, Meg kept her mouth shut.
“Oh and one more thing,” Chelsea asserted, “change the hair puhleese, I know this killer stylist down in the village that can fix anyone's hair, even yours.” Chelsea handed Ryan a business card that read :
Philip Periwinkle
Scrumptiously Superb Stylist
For all your fashion needs
(817) 681-3745
Call me babe
Ryan took the card, but not without thanking Chelsea with a little one fingered gesture.
“Oh, you’ve got one of those as well” she noted “me too” she showed him both of hers with a smile and said “mine work better”
With those fond farewells Chelsi and Meg proceeded to enter the castle.
I'm not sure but I think I just had fun ...???
The reason I am not sure is because I was in the company of my evil grandma (you know the whore) But it was fun because the whole night I spent making fun of her to her face- without her knowing it - but with EVERYONE else knowing it --- and laughing. It is quite fun to see just how much one can get away with. (i'm horrible)
For example: the song "my grandma got ran over by a reigndeer" came on the radio. My grandma says "I like this song" to which I replied "I not only like but LOVE this song - in fact it is my all time FAVORITE Christmas song" *raise eyebrows and nod head knowingly* (everyone started cracking up and trying not to look at her) hehe
Another - I drew a face on a punching balloon to resemble Ben because I am making a balloon/sock people movie - and he is sticking his tongue out on the balloon. MY grandma said - "hi balloon man" and I said "my balloon man doesn't like you" "he is sticking his tongue out at you ... Because you suck" (man that got A LOT of laughter from the "other" relatives. *I know I'm bad!!!!* *also props to Ben for sticking his tongue out at my grandma* *yea you!*
One more - My grandma said "I think I shall retire - I am feeling rather tired" - I replied "yes, I think you should because you LOOK tired - all washed out and well yucky looking" *smiling sweetly* (to this she raised her eyebrows)
see she can't say anything because she can't pin anything down - but in the meantime everyone is having a good laugh.
Also - don't think I am awful, she is a total jerkface- she called my sweet awesome sister a demon child - so she deserves everything she gets! Karma's a bitch baby.
For example: the song "my grandma got ran over by a reigndeer" came on the radio. My grandma says "I like this song" to which I replied "I not only like but LOVE this song - in fact it is my all time FAVORITE Christmas song" *raise eyebrows and nod head knowingly* (everyone started cracking up and trying not to look at her) hehe
Another - I drew a face on a punching balloon to resemble Ben because I am making a balloon/sock people movie - and he is sticking his tongue out on the balloon. MY grandma said - "hi balloon man" and I said "my balloon man doesn't like you" "he is sticking his tongue out at you ... Because you suck" (man that got A LOT of laughter from the "other" relatives. *I know I'm bad!!!!* *also props to Ben for sticking his tongue out at my grandma* *yea you!*
One more - My grandma said "I think I shall retire - I am feeling rather tired" - I replied "yes, I think you should because you LOOK tired - all washed out and well yucky looking" *smiling sweetly* (to this she raised her eyebrows)
see she can't say anything because she can't pin anything down - but in the meantime everyone is having a good laugh.
Also - don't think I am awful, she is a total jerkface- she called my sweet awesome sister a demon child - so she deserves everything she gets! Karma's a bitch baby.
I Hate Gross People!!!!
Men in particular - maybe I just hate people - you know this is the second blog I have written that talks about hating people (I think I have issues) *hehe*
But's it's just that everyone is SO stupid!!!!
well not "everyone" but close
*sigh*
utility fork belt - next christmas - yes next christmas.
But's it's just that everyone is SO stupid!!!!
well not "everyone" but close
*sigh*
utility fork belt - next christmas - yes next christmas.
Ways to annoy Santa Claus
Ways to Annoy Santa Claus:
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
.
Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
Of Course "I" would NEVER do these things "I Wuv you Santa!!!!"
"Santa baby...put a sable under the tree, for me - I've been an awful good girl, Santa baby - so hurry down the chiminey tonite"
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
.
Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
Of Course "I" would NEVER do these things "I Wuv you Santa!!!!"
"Santa baby...put a sable under the tree, for me - I've been an awful good girl, Santa baby - so hurry down the chiminey tonite"
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Yawn . . .
Boring day - not much to say/do - my mind is working at a million miles an hour but nothing seems to come out right? My OCD id rearing its ugly head - closet is spotless and so are drawers. - unfortunately, my room is still a mess. Prob be up all night cleaning it.
~~~~who needs sleep? ~~~
~~~~who needs sleep? ~~~
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
I hate stupid, fat, old, ugly, people
Yes! they should all die - And I will aid the whole matter with my nifty giant fork!!!!
Anyone want to join the fun????
Anyone want to join the fun????
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
My Amber is LEEEAAAVVVVIIIINNNNNNGGG....
In honor of "The Amber" moving away I have decided that no roomate will take her place. To unsure this, I have come up with several ways to annoy/scare any prospective roomate that might move in.
As soon as my roommate turns the light off at night, I will begin singing famous operas as loud as I can. When my roommate bangs on the wall I'll sing even louder. When she comes into my room and turns the light on I'll look around and pretend to be confused.
I'll ask my roommate if Bob, my invisible friend, can stay the night. If she agrees, i'll ask my roommate if she can turn down the music. I'll explain that Bob has a headache.
I'll ask my roommate if my family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
I'll ask my roommate to pose for a portrait. then I'll Leave.
How about I become a mime. Nothing is more annoying than a mime.
No wait! I'll become a secret agent for a week. I'll eat every piece of paper after reading it, speak into my lapel and accuse my roommate of stealing the secret plans to the world's greatest battlestation - and - I'll carry a gun but only because that is cool.
ohhhh even better - I'll become a Trekkie. I'll periodically talk to my communicator and tell Scottie to beam me up and run quickly from the room. If my roommate asks, i'll tell her "Dammit, Jim, I'm just a doctor!"
I could become my own twin sister and i'll tell my roommate that me and my sister never appear in the same place at once. I'll tell her the same thing again after leaving and coming back into the room.
I 'll begin to accumulate a used gum ball. I'll prob weigh it every day. I'll also accuse my roommate of stealing my gum.
Nothing irritates girls more that borrowing their clothes. Don't worry I'll offer to wash them, then I'll act like they were mine all along.
How about bowling inside the room. I'll set up tournaments with other people in the building. I'll award someone a trophy (prob Russell) and if my roommate wants to bowl too, i'll explain that she needs bowling shoes and that she should go and hang out with Jace!!!
I will make out with Ben as often as possible -- on her bed. LOL
Thats all for now! Good luck in Arizona chica!!!!!! ~Muah~
As soon as my roommate turns the light off at night, I will begin singing famous operas as loud as I can. When my roommate bangs on the wall I'll sing even louder. When she comes into my room and turns the light on I'll look around and pretend to be confused.
I'll ask my roommate if Bob, my invisible friend, can stay the night. If she agrees, i'll ask my roommate if she can turn down the music. I'll explain that Bob has a headache.
I'll ask my roommate if my family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
I'll ask my roommate to pose for a portrait. then I'll Leave.
How about I become a mime. Nothing is more annoying than a mime.
No wait! I'll become a secret agent for a week. I'll eat every piece of paper after reading it, speak into my lapel and accuse my roommate of stealing the secret plans to the world's greatest battlestation - and - I'll carry a gun but only because that is cool.
ohhhh even better - I'll become a Trekkie. I'll periodically talk to my communicator and tell Scottie to beam me up and run quickly from the room. If my roommate asks, i'll tell her "Dammit, Jim, I'm just a doctor!"
I could become my own twin sister and i'll tell my roommate that me and my sister never appear in the same place at once. I'll tell her the same thing again after leaving and coming back into the room.
I 'll begin to accumulate a used gum ball. I'll prob weigh it every day. I'll also accuse my roommate of stealing my gum.
Nothing irritates girls more that borrowing their clothes. Don't worry I'll offer to wash them, then I'll act like they were mine all along.
How about bowling inside the room. I'll set up tournaments with other people in the building. I'll award someone a trophy (prob Russell) and if my roommate wants to bowl too, i'll explain that she needs bowling shoes and that she should go and hang out with Jace!!!
I will make out with Ben as often as possible -- on her bed. LOL
Thats all for now! Good luck in Arizona chica!!!!!! ~Muah~
Monday, December 19, 2005
HIV
This I have - ok maybe not, but I just thought I would freak ya'll out.
btw Harems are petrie dishes for STD's - says Russell - I thought this was pretty damn funny and - well - true.
Russell has proclaimed himself Grand Imperator and this will solve all his girl problems and I said "oh so you can have a harem - this will solve "all" your problems." *wink, wink*
Sorry Jupiter - Just stear clear of the "Social Diseases"
btw Harems are petrie dishes for STD's - says Russell - I thought this was pretty damn funny and - well - true.
Russell has proclaimed himself Grand Imperator and this will solve all his girl problems and I said "oh so you can have a harem - this will solve "all" your problems." *wink, wink*
Sorry Jupiter - Just stear clear of the "Social Diseases"
hmmmm children can occupy themselves right?
Man - babysitting is sooo freakin boring... I am choosing to sit the child in front of the TV while I e-mail, blog, and read several books at once (if that is possible - which it is if you are Chelsea) But On the other hand I did play with the little girl quite a lot - Hello I was rainbow brite and she was lava girl. (Of course rainbow bright is waaaayyyy better than lava girl) I fed and changed pretend babies and resuscitated several inanimate objects - who knew a band-aid was a cure-all for throwing themselves off the second floor of the doll house? ...Sweet!~
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Letters to Santa
So here is an endearing letter to Santa from a little boy in Tyler, TX, named Matt:
Deer Santa,
Do you shave? How much do you way? Do you tak showers? I wud like a long horn. a pelit gun. a dirt biek. I relly like you and race cars.
Matt
If I was Santa - This is how I would reply
Dear Matt,
How about NO! Not because you have been bad - although I do know what you have been keeping under your mattress - but because you are a redneck. Now, its not that I don't like rednecks - I mean heck, red is my color. But like I said its not that I don't like them I just really can't stand them. So there will be no "pelit gun", or "Dirt Biek" "and certainty no "long horn."
I am afraid I have this silly rule about not giving ignorant redneck children presents - it's just a thing I have.
Also, what kind of kid asks Santa if he takes showers? I mean how would you like it if I asked you that question? That's called "Santa will be in jail this year."
Anyway Matt, get ready for a Christmas filled with no presents (well you might get a switch, you could possibly pretend it was a "pelit gun")
You know just because you are so retarded I have half a mind to get you a helmet - you will prob need it later on in life.
Have a "relly gret crismis" (freakin illiterate)
A very irritated - Santa
Deer Santa,
Do you shave? How much do you way? Do you tak showers? I wud like a long horn. a pelit gun. a dirt biek. I relly like you and race cars.
Matt
If I was Santa - This is how I would reply
Dear Matt,
How about NO! Not because you have been bad - although I do know what you have been keeping under your mattress - but because you are a redneck. Now, its not that I don't like rednecks - I mean heck, red is my color. But like I said its not that I don't like them I just really can't stand them. So there will be no "pelit gun", or "Dirt Biek" "and certainty no "long horn."
I am afraid I have this silly rule about not giving ignorant redneck children presents - it's just a thing I have.
Also, what kind of kid asks Santa if he takes showers? I mean how would you like it if I asked you that question? That's called "Santa will be in jail this year."
Anyway Matt, get ready for a Christmas filled with no presents (well you might get a switch, you could possibly pretend it was a "pelit gun")
You know just because you are so retarded I have half a mind to get you a helmet - you will prob need it later on in life.
Have a "relly gret crismis" (freakin illiterate)
A very irritated - Santa
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Stone boy ....
Pics from Ben ~~~ 
This is what I said about this pic.
The little stone kid looked like he was gonna get run over.
"run little stone boy, run" "I can't, for I'm made of stone" "Well then you are going to die"
*screech* ~~~~ *crash and break into millions of little rocks*
"hey ... now we can throw these rocks at the annoying museum goers....sweet!"
(don't you wish I was there with you at the museum saying these things and making life much more interesting?) (or at least embarrassing you much)
This is what I said about this pic.
The little stone kid looked like he was gonna get run over.
"run little stone boy, run" "I can't, for I'm made of stone" "Well then you are going to die"
*screech* ~~~~ *crash and break into millions of little rocks*
"hey ... now we can throw these rocks at the annoying museum goers....sweet!"
(don't you wish I was there with you at the museum saying these things and making life much more interesting?) (or at least embarrassing you much)
Juneteenth
So I told my family about Amber and her duct tape story - yeah, they laughed their asses off. I knew they would - racist bastards - why can't we all just get along *tear*
That also reminds me - My mom told my grandparents that I brought my new boyfriend to Advent and the first thing out of my grandfathers mouth was "
Well he aint a *edit bad word - insert African- American* is he?
I said, no ... but he is a German.
This did not go over very well - My grandmother gave me dirty looks that spoke of family betrayal. I think I heard her mutter something about cutting throats and being tight ...oh and stealing babies. It was pretty funny. Of course once I assured her that he would never cut my throat or steal my non-exsitant baby she was pacified somewhat. I also explained that he wasn't tight and added in a few admirable traits "doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't have illegitimate German children running around ... I assume. LOL
ooooooo family - they are great.
That also reminds me - My mom told my grandparents that I brought my new boyfriend to Advent and the first thing out of my grandfathers mouth was "
Well he aint a *edit bad word - insert African- American* is he?
I said, no ... but he is a German.
This did not go over very well - My grandmother gave me dirty looks that spoke of family betrayal. I think I heard her mutter something about cutting throats and being tight ...oh and stealing babies. It was pretty funny. Of course once I assured her that he would never cut my throat or steal my non-exsitant baby she was pacified somewhat. I also explained that he wasn't tight and added in a few admirable traits "doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't have illegitimate German children running around ... I assume. LOL
ooooooo family - they are great.
Ugly baby again
So My grandparents came to visit me today and we had a discussion about the ugly baby. You see the problem with the baby is that it is surrounded by extremely cute people (like me, J/K) like my other cousins who are the CUTEST kids on the planet.
So anyway the same ol' phrases came up like "he is getting cuter" etc... but now the poor thing is apparently not smart - but dumb as a rock. So the story goes like this
My Grandma says "He was standin' on a chair and he fell and hit his head on the corner of the table"
My brother says "nothin right?"
My Grandma says "he didn't even cry, he just got up and walked into the livin' room"
My brother says "That's what I'm sayin' he was all right, he ain't got nothing up there to damage anyways"
Poor thing
hehehehehehehehehe.
So anyway the same ol' phrases came up like "he is getting cuter" etc... but now the poor thing is apparently not smart - but dumb as a rock. So the story goes like this
My Grandma says "He was standin' on a chair and he fell and hit his head on the corner of the table"
My brother says "nothin right?"
My Grandma says "he didn't even cry, he just got up and walked into the livin' room"
My brother says "That's what I'm sayin' he was all right, he ain't got nothing up there to damage anyways"
Poor thing
hehehehehehehehehe.
I think I have an egg fetish
hmmm - Right now I am drinking egg nog and eating egg rolls - Is there somthing wrong with that? I think I have an egg fetish - Ok it't probably not that bad ... but still. What are some other great egg things?
1. Easter eggs
2. Pickled eggs (don't ask - there good, shut up)
3. Egg in toast (sweet)
4. Egg cartons - you can make animal noses and egg cup people.
5. Egg shell art (sort of like a mosaic)
6. Egg toss (good memories)
7. Egg nose relay
8. Pretending your egg is a baby (like on TV) you can even name it - somthing like David Bowie, or Bob.
9. Egging peoples houses or cars (this is not, contrary to popluar oppinion, childish - but very, very fun)
10. Yeah prob can't write this one it might make you blush ... Hey ... I said fetish. lol
I'M TOTALLY JUST KIDDING!!!!! (That was pretty funny tho)
Alright 'nough about eggs - just thought I'd pass on the greatness.
1. Easter eggs
2. Pickled eggs (don't ask - there good, shut up)
3. Egg in toast (sweet)
4. Egg cartons - you can make animal noses and egg cup people.
5. Egg shell art (sort of like a mosaic)
6. Egg toss (good memories)
7. Egg nose relay
8. Pretending your egg is a baby (like on TV) you can even name it - somthing like David Bowie, or Bob.
9. Egging peoples houses or cars (this is not, contrary to popluar oppinion, childish - but very, very fun)
10. Yeah prob can't write this one it might make you blush ... Hey ... I said fetish. lol
I'M TOTALLY JUST KIDDING!!!!! (That was pretty funny tho)
Alright 'nough about eggs - just thought I'd pass on the greatness.
Friday, December 16, 2005
oooohhhhhh jumpsuit!
Ok so how would I look in a velvet light blue jumpsuit with velvet blue platform shoes? Yeah I thought so - well just imagine that- only instead of me - insert my dad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I so laughed/cried when I saw the picture.
My mom asked him - "why did you wear that?"
to this my dad replied "it was a pretty color"
to which my mom replied "no"
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Funny stuff
He also said that the shoes didn't hurt his feet and they looked goooooood on the dance floor - he said he looked like a short Kelso
I told him it was more like Fez
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Whew! that was funny
I so laughed/cried when I saw the picture.
My mom asked him - "why did you wear that?"
to this my dad replied "it was a pretty color"
to which my mom replied "no"
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Funny stuff
He also said that the shoes didn't hurt his feet and they looked goooooood on the dance floor - he said he looked like a short Kelso
I told him it was more like Fez
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Whew! that was funny
oh yeah - it's Frank!
South of the border - down mexico way
That's where I fell in love, where the stars above -came out to play
And now as I wander - my thoughts ever stray
South of the border - down mexico way
She was a picture - in old spanish lace
Just for a tender while, I kissed a smile - upon her face'
cause it was fiesta - and we were so gay
South of the border - mexico way
Then she smiled as she whispered manjanna
Never dreaming that we were parting
Then I lied as a whispered manjanna
'cause our tomorrow never came
South of the border - I jumped back one day
There in a veil of white, by the candle light - she knelt to pray
The mission bells told me (ding-dong) - that I musn't stay
South of the border - mexico way
*laughing on the inside* *smiling*
That's where I fell in love, where the stars above -came out to play
And now as I wander - my thoughts ever stray
South of the border - down mexico way
She was a picture - in old spanish lace
Just for a tender while, I kissed a smile - upon her face'
cause it was fiesta - and we were so gay
South of the border - mexico way
Then she smiled as she whispered manjanna
Never dreaming that we were parting
Then I lied as a whispered manjanna
'cause our tomorrow never came
South of the border - I jumped back one day
There in a veil of white, by the candle light - she knelt to pray
The mission bells told me (ding-dong) - that I musn't stay
South of the border - mexico way
*laughing on the inside* *smiling*
Monday, December 12, 2005
I am a horrible, horrible person
(It's all your fault Ben!)
Why am I horrible you ask?
Well my uncle calls today and he "apperently" fell of a roof and broke 9 ribs. Sad right? ....no ... no it is not. It is hilarious. This is what makes me a horrible person. A horrible, horrible person. AND to top it all off - when my dad told me, he said "that man is so unlucky" to this I replied, - "that's what we in the worlds of sane people call KARMA." (yeah probably not a good thing to say, but we have already discussed word vomit so ...) Anyway my mom and brother thought it was hilarious and my dad just got mad at me - but what else is new.
so I apologize to all for thinking such things and I must now repent: Forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever for I will never get into heaven with a mind like this. AMEN!
Why am I horrible you ask?
Well my uncle calls today and he "apperently" fell of a roof and broke 9 ribs. Sad right? ....no ... no it is not. It is hilarious. This is what makes me a horrible person. A horrible, horrible person. AND to top it all off - when my dad told me, he said "that man is so unlucky" to this I replied, - "that's what we in the worlds of sane people call KARMA." (yeah probably not a good thing to say, but we have already discussed word vomit so ...) Anyway my mom and brother thought it was hilarious and my dad just got mad at me - but what else is new.
so I apologize to all for thinking such things and I must now repent: Forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever for I will never get into heaven with a mind like this. AMEN!
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Maddox is hilarious
What do the following animals have in common?
Whales - Elephants - Lions - Gorillas - Pandas - Cheetahs - Leopards - Seals - Dolphins - Black Rhinoceros - Bald Eagles - Turtles - Polar Bears
Endangered? ....Hell No. They'd make a damn fine burger:
Animals are made to be eaten.
I'm tired of hearing all these bleeding heart nancy-boys crying about animal rights. They should be eaten along with the animals they so cherish. Those stupid jerks at Disney keep making those damned cartoons about wimpy ducks and fish that talk so kids these days don't go to Zoos expecting to see a hairy, red, baboon's ass, but a cute and cuddly Simba or Rafiki (Disney's The Lion King atrocity).
Animals don't have rights. They don't have rights, because people like me don't give them any. If a Bear in the woods feels like you violated its territory, tough shit, blow its head off. You have the "right" to be in a Bear's territory just as much as he does. I don't subscribe to that "he's just as afraid of you as you are of him" bullshit either. If the Bear was afraid of you, it would probably run away from you, rather than try to attack.. Unless the Bear is stupid, which he is.
I was driving to school the other day, when I came across a dog in the street. I must have been 30 yards away when I saw it, but the dog didn't move. When I came within 10 feet of the dog, I had to stop the car so the stupid animal would get out of the way, and not until after I considered getting out of my car to kick it. The dog was clearly stupid, and would have probably been killed by another driver. Why is it so stupid? Why should people go out of their way to preserve animals?
Where do you draw the line between what deserves to be saved and what doesn't? Do trees deserve to be saved? Do plants deserve to be saved? What about insects? If so, even Mosquitos? Rocks that get destroyed at a construction site? Yes, everything should be saved. I have an idea. We should all sit down on the least impressionable piece of land we can find and try not to kill anything or to hurt anyone's feelings and eat only tofu and sing happy songs about dancing fairies and flowers and children and smiles and laughter. We should be so happy that it hurts. We should live in harmony with the animals and we should spend hours hugging old people and riding the "It's a Small World" ride at Disney Land, and we should protest against people that wear fur, because wearing fur is mean.
We should all sport those wonderful "Mean People Suck" stickers on the back of our cars.. oh wait, cars are mean, I meant to say bikes made of 100% recyclable eco-friendly materials that don't harm anything. Then everything will be great. Is that what you tree huggers want? Then will you stop your incessant bitching? Well it's NEVER going to happen. People are going to eat meat, animals are going to die, and there's really nothing you can do about it except bitch until someone gets sick of you bitching and runs you over..
Animals have made people happy, animals have infatuated some people's imaginations, and even motivated others. Animals have even saved lives. So what? I'm still going to eat meat. I'm going to eat meat until I die. And when I die, I hope someone eats me too. If animals weren't so damn stupid, maybe I'd care. There's over a billion cows in India releasing the largest supply of methane into the atmosphere, and devouring tons of feed each day, yet the animal rights activists don't seem to be bitching about that. No, they have much bigger fish to fry, like sailors trying to make a living by catching fish to feed their families with. I don't know what I'm talking about. Bottom line: Eat Meat, use the Earth and everything on it for what it's worth, Disney blows, bears are stupid, and I'm tired.
Whales - Elephants - Lions - Gorillas - Pandas - Cheetahs - Leopards - Seals - Dolphins - Black Rhinoceros - Bald Eagles - Turtles - Polar Bears
Endangered? ....Hell No. They'd make a damn fine burger:
Animals are made to be eaten.
I'm tired of hearing all these bleeding heart nancy-boys crying about animal rights. They should be eaten along with the animals they so cherish. Those stupid jerks at Disney keep making those damned cartoons about wimpy ducks and fish that talk so kids these days don't go to Zoos expecting to see a hairy, red, baboon's ass, but a cute and cuddly Simba or Rafiki (Disney's The Lion King atrocity).
Animals don't have rights. They don't have rights, because people like me don't give them any. If a Bear in the woods feels like you violated its territory, tough shit, blow its head off. You have the "right" to be in a Bear's territory just as much as he does. I don't subscribe to that "he's just as afraid of you as you are of him" bullshit either. If the Bear was afraid of you, it would probably run away from you, rather than try to attack.. Unless the Bear is stupid, which he is.
I was driving to school the other day, when I came across a dog in the street. I must have been 30 yards away when I saw it, but the dog didn't move. When I came within 10 feet of the dog, I had to stop the car so the stupid animal would get out of the way, and not until after I considered getting out of my car to kick it. The dog was clearly stupid, and would have probably been killed by another driver. Why is it so stupid? Why should people go out of their way to preserve animals?
Where do you draw the line between what deserves to be saved and what doesn't? Do trees deserve to be saved? Do plants deserve to be saved? What about insects? If so, even Mosquitos? Rocks that get destroyed at a construction site? Yes, everything should be saved. I have an idea. We should all sit down on the least impressionable piece of land we can find and try not to kill anything or to hurt anyone's feelings and eat only tofu and sing happy songs about dancing fairies and flowers and children and smiles and laughter. We should be so happy that it hurts. We should live in harmony with the animals and we should spend hours hugging old people and riding the "It's a Small World" ride at Disney Land, and we should protest against people that wear fur, because wearing fur is mean.
We should all sport those wonderful "Mean People Suck" stickers on the back of our cars.. oh wait, cars are mean, I meant to say bikes made of 100% recyclable eco-friendly materials that don't harm anything. Then everything will be great. Is that what you tree huggers want? Then will you stop your incessant bitching? Well it's NEVER going to happen. People are going to eat meat, animals are going to die, and there's really nothing you can do about it except bitch until someone gets sick of you bitching and runs you over..
Animals have made people happy, animals have infatuated some people's imaginations, and even motivated others. Animals have even saved lives. So what? I'm still going to eat meat. I'm going to eat meat until I die. And when I die, I hope someone eats me too. If animals weren't so damn stupid, maybe I'd care. There's over a billion cows in India releasing the largest supply of methane into the atmosphere, and devouring tons of feed each day, yet the animal rights activists don't seem to be bitching about that. No, they have much bigger fish to fry, like sailors trying to make a living by catching fish to feed their families with. I don't know what I'm talking about. Bottom line: Eat Meat, use the Earth and everything on it for what it's worth, Disney blows, bears are stupid, and I'm tired.
oh oh oh oh
Yeah! Our Chirstmas party is almost here!!!!! I can't wait. I want to open my awesome present that is under the tree.
*Singing loudly and little off key*
"Santa baby slip a sable under the tree - for me."
hmmmmm Chrsitmas is the best.
*Singing loudly and little off key*
"Santa baby slip a sable under the tree - for me."
hmmmmm Chrsitmas is the best.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Norah Jones ... What an artist
"The Nearness Of You"
It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
It's just the nearness of you
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
It's just the nearness of you
When you're in my arms
and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me the right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night the nearness of you
It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
It's just the nearness of you
It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
It's just the nearness of you
When you're in my arms
and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true
I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me the right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night the nearness of you
Maroon five rockssssss maaaannn
Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you
That may be all I needIn darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you
And you may not knowThat may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow?
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you
That may be all I needIn darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you
And you may not knowThat may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow?
Great day? don't you think?
It's BEAUTIFUL outside! I wish I could skip work and go on a picnic...it's a litle cold - but I'd wear a coat so no headlight action would happen.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Mmmmm Popcorn
I feel a storm a brewin' ....Vicious. I'm thinkin I need a warm blanket, popcorn, some good company, and a birds eye view wouldn't be bad either.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Word Vomit
Do you ever get the feeling that you say things that should not be said? And that you just can't help yourself? Do you sometimes feel words coming up into your mouth pressing against your teeth and you just can't hold it in any longer? And then, when it comes out, you feel soooo much better but at the same time you are like "Oh crap, that probably wasn't a good thing" and then people tell you you might need to see a doctor? Oh ... Its just me then - ok never mind.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Most Favorite and Least favorite
How many teachers do you like .. yeah, that's what I thought. Well, I would like to present to you my number 1 teacher and my number .....uh ...is bastard a number? Anyway my least favorite teacher.
Favorite and bestest teacher -
Sara Del Collo
This is a teacher who is not afraid to be a nerd ... I like that cuz I'm a nerd. She says cuss words and yells and periodically stomps her feet at annoying stupid people. (my hero) She loves to dress up in crazy costumes and really appreciates my writing ...when I actually "do" my work in her class. When I did my own rendition of "Canterbury Tales" she thought it was great...Who knew a medieval story could be transferred into a southern gospel tale .... I did. She does not take off any credit for doing my own thing (which I periodically like to do)
Del collo ... If you were egg nog I would marry you.
Least and most hated teacher
Eidenmuller
First of all he is german...that says a lot right there. He only likes people who demurly let him bombard them with degrading comments and since I have NEVER been demure in my life ... We didn't get along so good. God forbid you challenge his slight knowledge because he will throw his hypocritical California BS at you. I tried to duck .. but he was fast. I liked to challenge him a lot because his face would get red and he sometimes didn't know how to handle my comments. The funniest thing about Satan ..uh ... I mean Eidenmuller is that by the end of the semester I was one of his favorite students. muah ha ha ha. And I got an A in his class. I guess he thought my humor made up for my constant lack of demureness. ooooo if I only had a fork!
Favorite and bestest teacher -
Sara Del Collo
This is a teacher who is not afraid to be a nerd ... I like that cuz I'm a nerd. She says cuss words and yells and periodically stomps her feet at annoying stupid people. (my hero) She loves to dress up in crazy costumes and really appreciates my writing ...when I actually "do" my work in her class. When I did my own rendition of "Canterbury Tales" she thought it was great...Who knew a medieval story could be transferred into a southern gospel tale .... I did. She does not take off any credit for doing my own thing (which I periodically like to do)
Del collo ... If you were egg nog I would marry you.
Least and most hated teacher
Eidenmuller
First of all he is german...that says a lot right there. He only likes people who demurly let him bombard them with degrading comments and since I have NEVER been demure in my life ... We didn't get along so good. God forbid you challenge his slight knowledge because he will throw his hypocritical California BS at you. I tried to duck .. but he was fast. I liked to challenge him a lot because his face would get red and he sometimes didn't know how to handle my comments. The funniest thing about Satan ..uh ... I mean Eidenmuller is that by the end of the semester I was one of his favorite students. muah ha ha ha. And I got an A in his class. I guess he thought my humor made up for my constant lack of demureness. ooooo if I only had a fork!
Is the Chirstmas Spirit Dead?
If people don't get in the holiday spirit I am going to take a not so pointy object and stab them. What is with this whole "Christmas sucks" attitude? Christmas does not suck it rocks my face off…and I'm sure we can all agree that is most likely a good thing. So I present to you …
REASONS CHRISTMAS ROCKS:
1. You get to sing really corny annoying songs that make people go "awww" and "shut up"
2. Santa - He is an old jolly and fat dude that brings little children presents … I think my uncle went to jail for that.
3. Drinks … and more specifically egg nog the ambrosia of silly childish and most definitely awesome people like me! Mmmm egg nog.
4. My grandma got run over by a reighdeer … I've been waiting ever since that song came out but NOOOOOOO.
5. Putting up the Christmas tree … naked.
6. Fish nets … oh wait that's Halloween.
7. Food … nothing like eating a baby lamb to commemorate Jesus.
8. Presents - and NO I did NOT get what I wanted last year…you think Santa would hook a sister up but apparently that’s illegal.
9. Peace and Joy and my personal favorite … karma
10. Being with my family … oops that goes under the REASON CHRISTMAS SUCKS list.
REASONS CHRISTMAS ROCKS:
1. You get to sing really corny annoying songs that make people go "awww" and "shut up"
2. Santa - He is an old jolly and fat dude that brings little children presents … I think my uncle went to jail for that.
3. Drinks … and more specifically egg nog the ambrosia of silly childish and most definitely awesome people like me! Mmmm egg nog.
4. My grandma got run over by a reighdeer … I've been waiting ever since that song came out but NOOOOOOO.
5. Putting up the Christmas tree … naked.
6. Fish nets … oh wait that's Halloween.
7. Food … nothing like eating a baby lamb to commemorate Jesus.
8. Presents - and NO I did NOT get what I wanted last year…you think Santa would hook a sister up but apparently that’s illegal.
9. Peace and Joy and my personal favorite … karma
10. Being with my family … oops that goes under the REASON CHRISTMAS SUCKS list.
Do I Sing Too Much?
This question has been bothering … keeping me up nights … ok not really but still. Can a person sing too much?
Wow that was a stupid question. I guess I forgot about Brittany Spears, Celine Dion, Jessica Simpson and all the other annoying people who sing off key and the top of their lungs just to see if sound can really draw blood.
By the way … it can.
Well, I'm not the greatest singer in the world but I think I'll continue with my 24/7 repetition of random songs. Reason? Because I think that if I did not sing I would probably explode, and that would be gross.
Wow that was a stupid question. I guess I forgot about Brittany Spears, Celine Dion, Jessica Simpson and all the other annoying people who sing off key and the top of their lungs just to see if sound can really draw blood.
By the way … it can.
Well, I'm not the greatest singer in the world but I think I'll continue with my 24/7 repetition of random songs. Reason? Because I think that if I did not sing I would probably explode, and that would be gross.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
525,600 minutes
Won't you light my caaaannnnndddddlllleeee....
Take me oooowwwwwwttttt tonite.....
maurenn cheated? fucken cheated....
La vie boheim....were sisters/brothers....
Monday, November 28, 2005
So I'm a degenerate ... yea me!
I had to read this wonderful book entitled degeneration by Max Nordau. This was an interesting read. You’ve heard the term degenerate right? Well in the context I am talking about this is where …back in the good ol’ days … crazy/criminal people were thought to have certain physical characteristics …stigmata if you will. And This Nordau guy said – not only do crazy/criminal people have physical stigmata but they also have certain personality traits. These traits, in themselves, do not seem criminally insane but unfortunately these are key characteristics in a degenerate and if allowed to continue will degrade and delude the morality of the human race.
So why should you care?
Because you are friends with (apparently) a lesser evolved degenerate…ME!
Here is the description for an emotionalistic degenerate.
“A Commonplace line of poetry or of prose sends a shudder down his [her] back; he falls into raptures before indifferent pictures or statures; and music especially …”
“He [she] is quite proud of being so vibrant a musical instrument, and boasts that where the philistine remains completely cold, he feels his inner self confounded, the depths of his being broken up, and the bliss of the beautiful possessing him to the tips of his fingers. His excitability appears to him a mark of superiority; he believes himself to be possessed by a peculiar insight lacking in other mortals, and he is fain to despise the vulgar herd for the dullness and narrowness of their minds.”
So apparently I am a pompous ass who cries at everything and I suck… but that’s ok because I not only discovered that “I” am a degenerate I found that one of my friends [Ben] is also a degenerate, a pessimistic degenerate to be precise … so at least someone else sucks besides me.
Description of a pessimistic degenerate
“These patients feel perpetually compelled to commiserate themselves, to sob, to repeat with the most desperate monotony the same questions and words. They have delirious presentations of ruin and damnation, and all sorts of imaginary fears.”
“In this picture of the sufferer from melancholia; a downcast, somber, despairing of himself and the world”
“The degenerate who shuns action, and is without will-power, has no suspicion that his incapacity for action is a consequence of his inherited deficiency of brain [sorry Ben you just can’t help it you are a lesser evolved human – and you suck]
“In order to justify himself in his own eyes, he constructs a philosophy of renunciation and of contempt for the world and men.”
Well I hope we all learned something from my little blog. If you hang around me or Ben we will corrupt and delude you and possibly destroy the human race. [We suck - high five Ben]
So why should you care?
Because you are friends with (apparently) a lesser evolved degenerate…ME!
Here is the description for an emotionalistic degenerate.
“A Commonplace line of poetry or of prose sends a shudder down his [her] back; he falls into raptures before indifferent pictures or statures; and music especially …”
“He [she] is quite proud of being so vibrant a musical instrument, and boasts that where the philistine remains completely cold, he feels his inner self confounded, the depths of his being broken up, and the bliss of the beautiful possessing him to the tips of his fingers. His excitability appears to him a mark of superiority; he believes himself to be possessed by a peculiar insight lacking in other mortals, and he is fain to despise the vulgar herd for the dullness and narrowness of their minds.”
So apparently I am a pompous ass who cries at everything and I suck… but that’s ok because I not only discovered that “I” am a degenerate I found that one of my friends [Ben] is also a degenerate, a pessimistic degenerate to be precise … so at least someone else sucks besides me.
Description of a pessimistic degenerate
“These patients feel perpetually compelled to commiserate themselves, to sob, to repeat with the most desperate monotony the same questions and words. They have delirious presentations of ruin and damnation, and all sorts of imaginary fears.”
“In this picture of the sufferer from melancholia; a downcast, somber, despairing of himself and the world”
“The degenerate who shuns action, and is without will-power, has no suspicion that his incapacity for action is a consequence of his inherited deficiency of brain [sorry Ben you just can’t help it you are a lesser evolved human – and you suck]
“In order to justify himself in his own eyes, he constructs a philosophy of renunciation and of contempt for the world and men.”
Well I hope we all learned something from my little blog. If you hang around me or Ben we will corrupt and delude you and possibly destroy the human race. [We suck - high five Ben]
Axe Pie?
Ok this is how it all started (dreamy flashback music playing in background) My friend and I were talking about Ebay (cuz that's how cool we are) and he was saying that he looked up all of the things that you could NOT sale on E-bay. Some of these things include:
1. Animals
2. Prescription drugs
3. Illegal drugs
4. "Special" hair *wink, wink* (ok I made that one up)
So I asked him why he was looking this up and he mysteriously replied "I just wanted to know…" To this I wittily remarked "trying to find out if you could sell naked pictures of yourself eh?" He sadly said "no" and then said "that sounds like something you would do." I found that quite funny and replied with a camera flashing motion. He somehow took this as spraying whipped cream (dirty, dirty mind) and he laughed and said "yeah whipped cream" I was shocked and quite affronted and said I would never do that unless it was eggnog flavored whipped cream. He thought that was pretty darn funny and said that egg nog flavored whipped cream was a great idea and that it would taste good on the chocolate pie that he was currently eating. I agreed and that reminded me that I've always wanted to throw a pie at someone. I told him this and he said "yeah like your grandma" I laughed and said … yes, not an eggnog pie - but an axe pie. So I invented egg nog flavored whipped cream and a pie make out of razor sharp axes. A Very productive day don't you think?
1. Animals
2. Prescription drugs
3. Illegal drugs
4. "Special" hair *wink, wink* (ok I made that one up)
So I asked him why he was looking this up and he mysteriously replied "I just wanted to know…" To this I wittily remarked "trying to find out if you could sell naked pictures of yourself eh?" He sadly said "no" and then said "that sounds like something you would do." I found that quite funny and replied with a camera flashing motion. He somehow took this as spraying whipped cream (dirty, dirty mind) and he laughed and said "yeah whipped cream" I was shocked and quite affronted and said I would never do that unless it was eggnog flavored whipped cream. He thought that was pretty darn funny and said that egg nog flavored whipped cream was a great idea and that it would taste good on the chocolate pie that he was currently eating. I agreed and that reminded me that I've always wanted to throw a pie at someone. I told him this and he said "yeah like your grandma" I laughed and said … yes, not an eggnog pie - but an axe pie. So I invented egg nog flavored whipped cream and a pie make out of razor sharp axes. A Very productive day don't you think?
Am I meant to be a teacher?
Well I think the answer to this is a big resounding YES!
Why? because I spent my saterday afternoon with my little brothers and sisters playing games and acting stupid.
I thoroughly enjoyed teaching them several "drinking" games ... Kings, Split, BS, (whatever stop being a hypocrite....they need to learn early so they can win!)
unfortunaly my mom found out...she wasn't thrilled.
My dad on the other hand joined in and beat us to a pulp...(yeah we know how he spent his highschool years) Its amazing how drinking games can bring a family closer...thats sad huh?
Why? because I spent my saterday afternoon with my little brothers and sisters playing games and acting stupid.
I thoroughly enjoyed teaching them several "drinking" games ... Kings, Split, BS, (whatever stop being a hypocrite....they need to learn early so they can win!)
unfortunaly my mom found out...she wasn't thrilled.
My dad on the other hand joined in and beat us to a pulp...(yeah we know how he spent his highschool years) Its amazing how drinking games can bring a family closer...thats sad huh?
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Awww how cute
My dad is making a second thanksgiving dinner for just our family (no crazy relatives) and he is putting the turkey in a brine ...(whatever that is) This "brine" is a new thing for him and I don't think he likes it ...
How do I know this you ask?
Well, the kitchen is a wreck, he spilled it all over the floor and the fridge and I've counted the word "shit" coming out of his mouth 53 times. I think by the end of the day we might have a record. He hasn't moved on to worse language so hopefully he won't explode. (although that might be kinda funny)
How do I know this you ask?
Well, the kitchen is a wreck, he spilled it all over the floor and the fridge and I've counted the word "shit" coming out of his mouth 53 times. I think by the end of the day we might have a record. He hasn't moved on to worse language so hopefully he won't explode. (although that might be kinda funny)
Friday, November 25, 2005
So You Think You're Cool Huh?
Well you are! If your name is Chelsea Dougherty, Elizabeth Hurley or Amber Mumford. That’s right you heard me - we ROCK. And just to show you how much we rock, I will tell you a few things that we have said that … well …. are just awesome.
Sex
Amber - Who need sex … I've got fingers
Elizabeth - Getting a test back is like an orgasm. You are like "oh god … oh god … yessssss" or "oh god …. oh god …..noooooo"
Chelsea - Yes, I would like to be a whore turning tricks on the corner.
All - It’s a good thing or so we remember/have been told.
Guys
Amber - Stalkers love me.
Elizabeth - Men are only good for one thing …ok they have nothing going for them.
Chelsea - I hate men who disguise themselves as men but are really girls with penises.
All - Flypaper for freaks
School
Amber - School sucks
Elizabeth - Lets drop out
Chelsea - and be a hobo!
All - Agreed
Work
Amber - I wonder how much they would pay me to be a phone sex girl…
Elizabeth - I relate so well to dysfunctional teen-agers …uh oh that can't be a good thing.
Chelsea - If the los ninos act up I'm gonna push 'em off the swing.
All - Need to marry a rich old dude
Life
Amber - Sucks
Elizabeth - Blows
Chelsea - Savers rock
All - Agreed
Police dogs
Amber - I've got nothing … really I'm innocent.
Elizabeth - I want to pet him … no the police man.
Chelsea - Awww how cute …RUN!
All - think that shock collers are a great idea for guys/children/grandmas
Ben
Amber - He looks like a serial killer … but in a good way.
Elizabeth - He looks like he wants to kill me or something.
Chelsea - He looks to me like he needs some egg nog.
All - He's a fox
Russell
Amber - Russy-wussy
Elizabeth - Secret agent man!
Chelsea - ummm how about eccentric … no wait just f***ed up.
All - He rocks!
Jon
Amber - Just do it
Elizabeth - But he's catholic.
Chelsea - Then he must die … or at least … nope just die.
All - He must die … oh, wait no that’s still me
Ryan
Amber - Girl
Elizabeth - Girl
Chelsea - *sigh* Girl
All - Well I think you can figure this one out on your own.
Tyler
Amber - ha ha I'm going to Arizona.
Elizabeth - I plead the 5th.
Chelsea - In my mind I'm going to Carolina.
All - Wish it would be surgically removed from Texas and implanted into Mexico because everyone knows that Mexico already sucks.
Sex
Amber - Who need sex … I've got fingers
Elizabeth - Getting a test back is like an orgasm. You are like "oh god … oh god … yessssss" or "oh god …. oh god …..noooooo"
Chelsea - Yes, I would like to be a whore turning tricks on the corner.
All - It’s a good thing or so we remember/have been told.
Guys
Amber - Stalkers love me.
Elizabeth - Men are only good for one thing …ok they have nothing going for them.
Chelsea - I hate men who disguise themselves as men but are really girls with penises.
All - Flypaper for freaks
School
Amber - School sucks
Elizabeth - Lets drop out
Chelsea - and be a hobo!
All - Agreed
Work
Amber - I wonder how much they would pay me to be a phone sex girl…
Elizabeth - I relate so well to dysfunctional teen-agers …uh oh that can't be a good thing.
Chelsea - If the los ninos act up I'm gonna push 'em off the swing.
All - Need to marry a rich old dude
Life
Amber - Sucks
Elizabeth - Blows
Chelsea - Savers rock
All - Agreed
Police dogs
Amber - I've got nothing … really I'm innocent.
Elizabeth - I want to pet him … no the police man.
Chelsea - Awww how cute …RUN!
All - think that shock collers are a great idea for guys/children/grandmas
Ben
Amber - He looks like a serial killer … but in a good way.
Elizabeth - He looks like he wants to kill me or something.
Chelsea - He looks to me like he needs some egg nog.
All - He's a fox
Russell
Amber - Russy-wussy
Elizabeth - Secret agent man!
Chelsea - ummm how about eccentric … no wait just f***ed up.
All - He rocks!
Jon
Amber - Just do it
Elizabeth - But he's catholic.
Chelsea - Then he must die … or at least … nope just die.
All - He must die … oh, wait no that’s still me
Ryan
Amber - Girl
Elizabeth - Girl
Chelsea - *sigh* Girl
All - Well I think you can figure this one out on your own.
Tyler
Amber - ha ha I'm going to Arizona.
Elizabeth - I plead the 5th.
Chelsea - In my mind I'm going to Carolina.
All - Wish it would be surgically removed from Texas and implanted into Mexico because everyone knows that Mexico already sucks.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Not All Babies Are cute
Seriously... My cousin's baby- The ugliest thing I've ever seen. I didn't know babies came that ugly. You know what a monkey looks like? All wrinkly and hairy and funny smelling? Yeah … that would be an improvement. Eveyone tries to be nice about the baby saying stuff like... "oh he's smart" That’s' just BS. Sort of like going on a blind date and asking about your prospective date … "What's he like?" "Oh, he's really smart."
REALLY?
NO!
SMART = UGLY
This is a well known fact. If I ever have a baby and people call it smart … I am going to punch them in the face.
Another thing they say... "It's getting cuter" also BS. People don't even call it by its name - that's how ugly it is. Like Frankenstein … no…WAIT even he had a name. So I sweetly suggested that the baby go on extreme makeover. I mean, you've seen the ugly people they have on that show … well ... he's PERFECT! And they have never surgically altered a baby on TV before … I'd watch that. Well, that didn't go over too well. I don't know why not. I was just trying to be helpful.
REALLY?
NO!
SMART = UGLY
This is a well known fact. If I ever have a baby and people call it smart … I am going to punch them in the face.
Another thing they say... "It's getting cuter" also BS. People don't even call it by its name - that's how ugly it is. Like Frankenstein … no…WAIT even he had a name. So I sweetly suggested that the baby go on extreme makeover. I mean, you've seen the ugly people they have on that show … well ... he's PERFECT! And they have never surgically altered a baby on TV before … I'd watch that. Well, that didn't go over too well. I don't know why not. I was just trying to be helpful.
She Can't Read Lips ... I Hope
Is it wrong to whisper mean (hilarious) things about your deaf-great aunt in front of her. I mean she can't hear what we are saying. She is just sooooo darn annoying. And it is just soooooo darn fun. That's bad huh?
who are ya'll and what have you done with my family
Wow! A whole Thanksgiving spent with my family and I didn't need a fork once! I was amazed. Aside from the usual mean spirited jokes (Which I thoroughly enjoy and partake in) everyone was in a jolly mood. My cooking abilities didn't even get made fun of … this is monumental since I usually hear such things as "uh oh what did Chelsea make this year" and "Be careful it looks dangerous" Everyone liked what I cooked …yea! The highlights of the day …
MY brother got his head completely shaved …and he had A LOT of hair. I asked my grandpa (who doesn't have hair) if he wanted me to glue it together to make a wig. Hehe.
I drank a sip of Guiness ... YUCK! the grossest stuff on the planet. My uncle told me it tasted like a chocolate malt, to which I said ... LIAR! (as I spit it out)
My Grandma gave me her usual lecture about who to aviod in life.
1. Indian people - They just crazy - they'll steal your baby.
2. Black people - They cheat on ya... and smell funny.
3. Mexican people - When they get a sip - they just don't know when to stop (points to uncle Juan who is drinking Guinness)
4. German people - they are tight and they'll cut your throat.
My little 5 yr old cousin (who everyone thinks is gay) (he's not, he's just sensitive) told me I was the bestest most bestest in the whole wide world… (I think it was because I gave him a "my little pony" to play with) (Hey - I encourage whatever anyone is … not just what they should be…he loves "my little ponies") I got looks of death from his "manley" father.
I made my family mad by receiving 20 calls/text messages during dinner … they told me to stop making drug deals on thanksgiving to which I replied "hey a girls gotta get paid"
My grandma went around randomly saying "asshole." I laughed every time I heard it … it just doesn't get old. I asked her if she had turrets and she pretended not to hear … oh well, my uncle thought it was funny.
I almost ran over two ugly people who were walking down the wrong side of the road. I just missed them - I wasn't paying attention. Too bad, if I had been ... there would be two less ugly people in the world.
MY brother got his head completely shaved …and he had A LOT of hair. I asked my grandpa (who doesn't have hair) if he wanted me to glue it together to make a wig. Hehe.
I drank a sip of Guiness ... YUCK! the grossest stuff on the planet. My uncle told me it tasted like a chocolate malt, to which I said ... LIAR! (as I spit it out)
My Grandma gave me her usual lecture about who to aviod in life.
1. Indian people - They just crazy - they'll steal your baby.
2. Black people - They cheat on ya... and smell funny.
3. Mexican people - When they get a sip - they just don't know when to stop (points to uncle Juan who is drinking Guinness)
4. German people - they are tight and they'll cut your throat.
My little 5 yr old cousin (who everyone thinks is gay) (he's not, he's just sensitive) told me I was the bestest most bestest in the whole wide world… (I think it was because I gave him a "my little pony" to play with) (Hey - I encourage whatever anyone is … not just what they should be…he loves "my little ponies") I got looks of death from his "manley" father.
I made my family mad by receiving 20 calls/text messages during dinner … they told me to stop making drug deals on thanksgiving to which I replied "hey a girls gotta get paid"
My grandma went around randomly saying "asshole." I laughed every time I heard it … it just doesn't get old. I asked her if she had turrets and she pretended not to hear … oh well, my uncle thought it was funny.
I almost ran over two ugly people who were walking down the wrong side of the road. I just missed them - I wasn't paying attention. Too bad, if I had been ... there would be two less ugly people in the world.
Happy Thanksgiving
Yea! Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone … except the people I hate and to you I say … "FORK." Now on to better things like … oh I don't know … Food. Lol OK so the best and most greatest thing about thanksgiving is not actually the food. It’s the wonderful time you get to spend with your family. (If you didn't get the dripping sarcasm then you don't know me AT ALL)
Some wonderful things that my family has said to me on thanksgiving
"What did you do to your hair? That is not the right color. It makes you look dead." (I would rather be dead than be here with you anyway)
"Do you really like that guy? He's kind of ugly …" (Have you LOOKED in the mirror? Have you?)
"Did you put on lipstick? Because you need some." (And you need a facelift/liposuction/botox/paper bag) No - I do not need lipstick … I need alcohol/drugs/a fork.
And people wonder why I am the way that I am ….
Some wonderful things that my family has said to me on thanksgiving
"What did you do to your hair? That is not the right color. It makes you look dead." (I would rather be dead than be here with you anyway)
"Do you really like that guy? He's kind of ugly …" (Have you LOOKED in the mirror? Have you?)
"Did you put on lipstick? Because you need some." (And you need a facelift/liposuction/botox/paper bag) No - I do not need lipstick … I need alcohol/drugs/a fork.
And people wonder why I am the way that I am ….
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I don't know what to dooooooo with myself
It's amazing what you can get accomplished when you are bored….No friends around, no work, no school ….I am feeling ever so productive. …Yes - I have pretty much sat around all day and wrote stuff for this thing (so sad) but true. Of course I can't forget the little things I accomplished like 1. Making my dad mad. 2. Making my mom yell. 3. Giving my brother a complex. 4. Drinking egg nog.
I Need a Fork
Do you ever see/hear/smell certain people and just want to stab them with a fork? Well I do. People that I hate …
1. Girls that think that people actually listen to what they say. (I mean really, do you think I want to hear about your cheating, lying boyfriend that you can only get because you're a whore?)
2. Guys who act like girls who think that people actually listen to what they say. (No I do not care about your car/hair/clothes/football team/computer/video games.)
3. Parents who think that people actually listen to what they say. (Sticking fingers in ears while humming)
4. Musicians who think that people actually listen to what they say. (But of course vertigo is the place to be… where else? For the love of god will "you two" just shut up?)
5. Celebrities who think that people actually listen to what they say. (Get over yourself the rainforest sucks - let's pave it.)
5. Politicians who think that people actually listen to what they say. (I point at you unmercifully while chanting "liar, liar, pants on fire")
1. Girls that think that people actually listen to what they say. (I mean really, do you think I want to hear about your cheating, lying boyfriend that you can only get because you're a whore?)
2. Guys who act like girls who think that people actually listen to what they say. (No I do not care about your car/hair/clothes/football team/computer/video games.)
3. Parents who think that people actually listen to what they say. (Sticking fingers in ears while humming)
4. Musicians who think that people actually listen to what they say. (But of course vertigo is the place to be… where else? For the love of god will "you two" just shut up?)
5. Celebrities who think that people actually listen to what they say. (Get over yourself the rainforest sucks - let's pave it.)
5. Politicians who think that people actually listen to what they say. (I point at you unmercifully while chanting "liar, liar, pants on fire")
NOOOOOO anything but that!
I would rather have my tongue cut out and stapled to my head then be around these things.
1. Old people
2. My grandma
3. Smelly people
4. My grandma
5. Annoying people
6. My grandma
7. Ugly people
8. My grandma
9. Whores
10. My grandma
1. Old people
2. My grandma
3. Smelly people
4. My grandma
5. Annoying people
6. My grandma
7. Ugly people
8. My grandma
9. Whores
10. My grandma
Egg nog is orgasmically good
Now before you say anything ... it really is. Have you ever tried the stuff? Well you're stupid and you should. Either that or just throw yourself off a cliff and rid the world of one more annoying person.
If there was no more egg nog left and someone had a "nog" mustache I would totally lick it off. You think I'm joking but I'm not.
mmmmmm egg nog
If there was no more egg nog left and someone had a "nog" mustache I would totally lick it off. You think I'm joking but I'm not.
mmmmmm egg nog
I love hobos
I love hobos ... in fact, if I knew a hobo I would give him some beer and crack for Christmas. (and maybe a sock ... all good hobos deserve at least one). Now you may ask yourself "Why does she like hobos" and all I have to say to that is "You're one freaking idiot" and possibly "Why do you ask yourself questions? Do you not have any friends" for gods sake at least ask your dog or something. I mean what kind of person goes around asking himself questions? If you knew the answer, you wouldn't have asked yourself to begin with now would you?
Anyway, back to hobos. I just love 'em. I love 'em enough to write the annoying contraction "'em" and that shows pure careless adoration.
A few things I specifically love about hobos:
1. They know how to be resourceful. Not only do they "use and reuse" but they steal. Now that's what I call resourceful.
2. They know how to use their charm. I have never wanted roses, window washing or herpes more.
3. They get all the annoying people in the world to avoid them ...No, really have you ever seen ANY of them befriend/talk to/refrain from beating a doctor or lawyer? No. And this is because all doctors and lawyers suck and hobos wouldn't be caught dead associating with this "class" of society.
4. They are very skilled in pyrotechnics. Who knew you could make fire with a syringe?
5. They are very, very fast. A hobo has speed. Whether its running from the cops or running after you ... they are like lightning. I tried to race one the other day and ... well... we all know how that turned out now don't we.
If you really want to do something for christmas then for gods sake become a hobo.
Anyway, back to hobos. I just love 'em. I love 'em enough to write the annoying contraction "'em" and that shows pure careless adoration.
A few things I specifically love about hobos:
1. They know how to be resourceful. Not only do they "use and reuse" but they steal. Now that's what I call resourceful.
2. They know how to use their charm. I have never wanted roses, window washing or herpes more.
3. They get all the annoying people in the world to avoid them ...No, really have you ever seen ANY of them befriend/talk to/refrain from beating a doctor or lawyer? No. And this is because all doctors and lawyers suck and hobos wouldn't be caught dead associating with this "class" of society.
4. They are very skilled in pyrotechnics. Who knew you could make fire with a syringe?
5. They are very, very fast. A hobo has speed. Whether its running from the cops or running after you ... they are like lightning. I tried to race one the other day and ... well... we all know how that turned out now don't we.
If you really want to do something for christmas then for gods sake become a hobo.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Girlie men Suck
OK, let me ask you all a question ... why ... when you date a guy ... does he become a freakin girl? No really - I'm serious. Several stupid and annoying things I have heard this week ...
1. "Why didn't you CALL me" (because you're annoying)
2. "Why are you so distant" (because you're annoying)
3. Why do you always talk about yourself. (because you're stupid)
4. What do you mean by that? (you're stupid)
5. Why do you have to be so mean. (because you're stupid and annoying)
ARGGGGHHH!!!!!
Ok that was my rant for today. And I don't want to hear "Well, why is she dating him" because I don't even know myself ... I just am. I'm a makeout whore.
1. "Why didn't you CALL me" (because you're annoying)
2. "Why are you so distant" (because you're annoying)
3. Why do you always talk about yourself. (because you're stupid)
4. What do you mean by that? (you're stupid)
5. Why do you have to be so mean. (because you're stupid and annoying)
ARGGGGHHH!!!!!
Ok that was my rant for today. And I don't want to hear "Well, why is she dating him" because I don't even know myself ... I just am. I'm a makeout whore.
Wow that sucked
OK so I have no idea what I was thinking. I wrote some "poems" the other day ....( yes, I know I'm laughing my ass off at that idea as well but let me finish) and I looked at them today and all I have to say is "wow that sucked." You know perhaps I was slightly delirious or maybe even taken over by zombies/aliens/annoying mind controlling hypnotists that they show on Montel. But then I remembered clearly writing them and only have the strong feeling of shame and vomit. Ok, remind me NEVER to write poems again because I sound like .... I don't know ... I just don't know.
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