Ben --- hehe

This Pic Makes Me Laugh!!!

Goof-ball <3

Letters to Santa

So here is an endearing letter to Santa from a little boy in Tyler, TX, named Matt:

Deer Santa,

Do you shave? How much do you way? Do you tak showers? I wud like a long horn. a pelit gun. a dirt biek. I relly like you and race cars.

Matt

If I was Santa - This is how I would reply

Dear Matt,

How about NO! Not because you have been bad - although I do know what you have been keeping under your mattress - but because you are a redneck. Now, its not that I don't like rednecks - I mean heck, red is my color. But like I said its not that I don't like them I just really can't stand them. So there will be no "pelit gun", or "Dirt Biek" "and certainty no "long horn."
I am afraid I have this silly rule about not giving ignorant redneck children presents - it's just a thing I have.
Also, what kind of kid asks Santa if he takes showers? I mean how would you like it if I asked you that question? That's called "Santa will be in jail this year."
Anyway Matt, get ready for a Christmas filled with no presents (well you might get a switch, you could possibly pretend it was a "pelit gun")
You know just because you are so retarded I have half a mind to get you a helmet - you will prob need it later on in life.
Have a "relly gret crismis" (freakin illiterate)
A very irritated - Santa

Stone boy ....

Pics from Ben ~~~
This is what I said about this pic.

The little stone kid looked like he was gonna get run over.
"run little stone boy, run" "I can't, for I'm made of stone" "Well then you are going to die"
*screech* ~~~~ *crash and break into millions of little rocks*
"hey ... now we can throw these rocks at the annoying museum goers....sweet!"

(don't you wish I was there with you at the museum saying these things and making life much more interesting?) (or at least embarrassing you much)

Juneteenth

So I told my family about Amber and her duct tape story - yeah, they laughed their asses off. I knew they would - racist bastards - why can't we all just get along *tear*

That also reminds me - My mom told my grandparents that I brought my new boyfriend to Advent and the first thing out of my grandfathers mouth was "
Well he aint a *edit bad word - insert African- American* is he?

I said, no ... but he is a German.

This did not go over very well - My grandmother gave me dirty looks that spoke of family betrayal. I think I heard her mutter something about cutting throats and being tight ...oh and stealing babies. It was pretty funny. Of course once I assured her that he would never cut my throat or steal my non-exsitant baby she was pacified somewhat. I also explained that he wasn't tight and added in a few admirable traits "doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't have illegitimate German children running around ... I assume. LOL

ooooooo family - they are great.

Ugly baby again

So My grandparents came to visit me today and we had a discussion about the ugly baby. You see the problem with the baby is that it is surrounded by extremely cute people (like me, J/K) like my other cousins who are the CUTEST kids on the planet.
So anyway the same ol' phrases came up like "he is getting cuter" etc... but now the poor thing is apparently not smart - but dumb as a rock. So the story goes like this

My Grandma says "He was standin' on a chair and he fell and hit his head on the corner of the table"
My brother says "nothin right?"
My Grandma says "he didn't even cry, he just got up and walked into the livin' room"
My brother says "That's what I'm sayin' he was all right, he ain't got nothing up there to damage anyways"

Poor thing
hehehehehehehehehe.

I think I have an egg fetish

hmmm - Right now I am drinking egg nog and eating egg rolls - Is there somthing wrong with that? I think I have an egg fetish - Ok it't probably not that bad ... but still. What are some other great egg things?
1. Easter eggs
2. Pickled eggs (don't ask - there good, shut up)
3. Egg in toast (sweet)
4. Egg cartons - you can make animal noses and egg cup people.
5. Egg shell art (sort of like a mosaic)
6. Egg toss (good memories)
7. Egg nose relay
8. Pretending your egg is a baby (like on TV) you can even name it - somthing like David Bowie, or Bob.
9. Egging peoples houses or cars (this is not, contrary to popluar oppinion, childish - but very, very fun)
10. Yeah prob can't write this one it might make you blush ... Hey ... I said fetish. lol
I'M TOTALLY JUST KIDDING!!!!! (That was pretty funny tho)

Alright 'nough about eggs - just thought I'd pass on the greatness.

oooohhhhhh jumpsuit!

Ok so how would I look in a velvet light blue jumpsuit with velvet blue platform shoes? Yeah I thought so - well just imagine that- only instead of me - insert my dad. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I so laughed/cried when I saw the picture.

My mom asked him - "why did you wear that?"
to this my dad replied "it was a pretty color"
to which my mom replied "no"
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Funny stuff

He also said that the shoes didn't hurt his feet and they looked goooooood on the dance floor - he said he looked like a short Kelso

I told him it was more like Fez

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Whew! that was funny

oh yeah - it's Frank!

South of the border - down mexico way
That's where I fell in love, where the stars above -came out to play
And now as I wander - my thoughts ever stray
South of the border - down mexico way
She was a picture - in old spanish lace
Just for a tender while, I kissed a smile - upon her face'
cause it was fiesta - and we were so gay
South of the border - mexico way
Then she smiled as she whispered manjanna
Never dreaming that we were parting
Then I lied as a whispered manjanna
'cause our tomorrow never came
South of the border - I jumped back one day
There in a veil of white, by the candle light - she knelt to pray
The mission bells told me (ding-dong) - that I musn't stay
South of the border - mexico way

*laughing on the inside* *smiling*

22 DAYS!!!!

yep, yep, only 22 days!

I am a horrible, horrible person

(It's all your fault Ben!)
Why am I horrible you ask?

Well my uncle calls today and he "apperently" fell of a roof and broke 9 ribs. Sad right? ....no ... no it is not. It is hilarious. This is what makes me a horrible person. A horrible, horrible person. AND to top it all off - when my dad told me, he said "that man is so unlucky" to this I replied, - "that's what we in the worlds of sane people call KARMA." (yeah probably not a good thing to say, but we have already discussed word vomit so ...) Anyway my mom and brother thought it was hilarious and my dad just got mad at me - but what else is new.
so I apologize to all for thinking such things and I must now repent: Forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever for I will never get into heaven with a mind like this. AMEN!

Maddox is hilarious

What do the following animals have in common?
Whales - Elephants - Lions - Gorillas - Pandas - Cheetahs - Leopards - Seals - Dolphins - Black Rhinoceros - Bald Eagles - Turtles - Polar Bears

Endangered? ....Hell No. They'd make a damn fine burger:





Animals are made to be eaten.
I'm tired of hearing all these bleeding heart nancy-boys crying about animal rights. They should be eaten along with the animals they so cherish. Those stupid jerks at Disney keep making those damned cartoons about wimpy ducks and fish that talk so kids these days don't go to Zoos expecting to see a hairy, red, baboon's ass, but a cute and cuddly Simba or Rafiki (Disney's The Lion King atrocity).
Animals don't have rights. They don't have rights, because people like me don't give them any. If a Bear in the woods feels like you violated its territory, tough shit, blow its head off. You have the "right" to be in a Bear's territory just as much as he does. I don't subscribe to that "he's just as afraid of you as you are of him" bullshit either. If the Bear was afraid of you, it would probably run away from you, rather than try to attack.. Unless the Bear is stupid, which he is.
I was driving to school the other day, when I came across a dog in the street. I must have been 30 yards away when I saw it, but the dog didn't move. When I came within 10 feet of the dog, I had to stop the car so the stupid animal would get out of the way, and not until after I considered getting out of my car to kick it. The dog was clearly stupid, and would have probably been killed by another driver. Why is it so stupid? Why should people go out of their way to preserve animals?
Where do you draw the line between what deserves to be saved and what doesn't? Do trees deserve to be saved? Do plants deserve to be saved? What about insects? If so, even Mosquitos? Rocks that get destroyed at a construction site? Yes, everything should be saved. I have an idea. We should all sit down on the least impressionable piece of land we can find and try not to kill anything or to hurt anyone's feelings and eat only tofu and sing happy songs about dancing fairies and flowers and children and smiles and laughter. We should be so happy that it hurts. We should live in harmony with the animals and we should spend hours hugging old people and riding the "It's a Small World" ride at Disney Land, and we should protest against people that wear fur, because wearing fur is mean.
We should all sport those wonderful "Mean People Suck" stickers on the back of our cars.. oh wait, cars are mean, I meant to say bikes made of 100% recyclable eco-friendly materials that don't harm anything. Then everything will be great. Is that what you tree huggers want? Then will you stop your incessant bitching? Well it's NEVER going to happen. People are going to eat meat, animals are going to die, and there's really nothing you can do about it except bitch until someone gets sick of you bitching and runs you over..
Animals have made people happy, animals have infatuated some people's imaginations, and even motivated others. Animals have even saved lives. So what? I'm still going to eat meat. I'm going to eat meat until I die. And when I die, I hope someone eats me too. If animals weren't so damn stupid, maybe I'd care. There's over a billion cows in India releasing the largest supply of methane into the atmosphere, and devouring tons of feed each day, yet the animal rights activists don't seem to be bitching about that. No, they have much bigger fish to fry, like sailors trying to make a living by catching fish to feed their families with. I don't know what I'm talking about. Bottom line: Eat Meat, use the Earth and everything on it for what it's worth, Disney blows, bears are stupid, and I'm tired.

oh oh oh oh

Yeah! Our Chirstmas party is almost here!!!!! I can't wait. I want to open my awesome present that is under the tree.

*Singing loudly and little off key*
"Santa baby slip a sable under the tree - for me."

hmmmmm Chrsitmas is the best.

Norah Jones ... What an artist

"The Nearness Of You"

It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
It's just the nearness of you

It isn't your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
It's just the nearness of you

When you're in my arms
and I feel you so close to me
All my wildest dreams come true

I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me the right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night the nearness of you

Maroon five rockssssss maaaannn

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you

That may be all I needIn darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you

And you may not knowThat may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me

Driving slow?

Great day? don't you think?

It's BEAUTIFUL outside! I wish I could skip work and go on a picnic...it's a litle cold - but I'd wear a coat so no headlight action would happen.

Mmmmm Popcorn

I feel a storm a brewin' ....Vicious. I'm thinkin I need a warm blanket, popcorn, some good company, and a birds eye view wouldn't be bad either.

Word Vomit

Do you ever get the feeling that you say things that should not be said? And that you just can't help yourself? Do you sometimes feel words coming up into your mouth pressing against your teeth and you just can't hold it in any longer? And then, when it comes out, you feel soooo much better but at the same time you are like "Oh crap, that probably wasn't a good thing" and then people tell you you might need to see a doctor? Oh ... Its just me then - ok never mind.

Most Favorite and Least favorite

How many teachers do you like .. yeah, that's what I thought. Well, I would like to present to you my number 1 teacher and my number .....uh ...is bastard a number? Anyway my least favorite teacher.



Favorite and bestest teacher -






Sara Del Collo
This is a teacher who is not afraid to be a nerd ... I like that cuz I'm a nerd. She says cuss words and yells and periodically stomps her feet at annoying stupid people. (my hero) She loves to dress up in crazy costumes and really appreciates my writing ...when I actually "do" my work in her class. When I did my own rendition of "Canterbury Tales" she thought it was great...Who knew a medieval story could be transferred into a southern gospel tale .... I did. She does not take off any credit for doing my own thing (which I periodically like to do)
Del collo ... If you were egg nog I would marry you.

Least and most hated teacher





Eidenmuller
First of all he is german...that says a lot right there. He only likes people who demurly let him bombard them with degrading comments and since I have NEVER been demure in my life ... We didn't get along so good. God forbid you challenge his slight knowledge because he will throw his hypocritical California BS at you. I tried to duck .. but he was fast. I liked to challenge him a lot because his face would get red and he sometimes didn't know how to handle my comments. The funniest thing about Satan ..uh ... I mean Eidenmuller is that by the end of the semester I was one of his favorite students. muah ha ha ha. And I got an A in his class. I guess he thought my humor made up for my constant lack of demureness. ooooo if I only had a fork!

Is the Chirstmas Spirit Dead?

If people don't get in the holiday spirit I am going to take a not so pointy object and stab them. What is with this whole "Christmas sucks" attitude? Christmas does not suck it rocks my face off…and I'm sure we can all agree that is most likely a good thing. So I present to you …

REASONS CHRISTMAS ROCKS:

1. You get to sing really corny annoying songs that make people go "awww" and "shut up"
2. Santa - He is an old jolly and fat dude that brings little children presents … I think my uncle went to jail for that.
3. Drinks … and more specifically egg nog the ambrosia of silly childish and most definitely awesome people like me! Mmmm egg nog.
4. My grandma got run over by a reighdeer … I've been waiting ever since that song came out but NOOOOOOO.
5. Putting up the Christmas tree … naked.
6. Fish nets … oh wait that's Halloween.
7. Food … nothing like eating a baby lamb to commemorate Jesus.
8. Presents - and NO I did NOT get what I wanted last year…you think Santa would hook a sister up but apparently that’s illegal.
9. Peace and Joy and my personal favorite … karma
10. Being with my family … oops that goes under the REASON CHRISTMAS SUCKS list.

Do I Sing Too Much?

This question has been bothering … keeping me up nights … ok not really but still. Can a person sing too much?
Wow that was a stupid question. I guess I forgot about Brittany Spears, Celine Dion, Jessica Simpson and all the other annoying people who sing off key and the top of their lungs just to see if sound can really draw blood.

By the way … it can.

Well, I'm not the greatest singer in the world but I think I'll continue with my 24/7 repetition of random songs. Reason? Because I think that if I did not sing I would probably explode, and that would be gross.